NintendoLogic

So is cocaine. Granted, novocaine doesn't have any euphoric effects, but they're in the same class of local anesthetic. Just to be clear, though, I'm not arguing over whether you can take painkillers and be straight edge. I'm addressing whether you can take painkillers and not be a pussy. To the extent that this is true, global warming is a far bigger factor than fluoridated tap water.

Seeing the WWE in full panic mode is morbidly amusing. On the one hand, they're blowing through every ratings-popping gimmick at their disposal at a ridiculous clip. On the other hand, they're doubling down on Cena and Orton as the untouchable centerpieces of their respective shows. Vince must be praying for a long NFL lockout, because if they have to go up against Monday Night Football in their current state, they'll be in a world of shit.

There are two things that for me are indispensable elements of good wrestling. First, realism. I don't mean shoot-style. What I mean is this. If wrestling were real and you were trying to beat someone in a fight with wrestling moves, what would it look like? I want it to look like your main priority is winning the match, not impressing people with your athleticism. Matwork is a big part of this. In most matches I see nowadays, it's too fluid. Locking in a hold should be a struggle, not something that just happens with no discernible resistance on the part of the other person. And once it's locked in, the other person should be trying to break it or make the ropes or at least showing some signs of discomfort. I've been watching a fair amount of old joshi lately, and seeing them apply holds and then release them for no reason is driving me crazy. Second, transitions. Structurally, most matches are pretty similar. What makes or breaks a match is how they connect the dots and move from one segment to the next. What causes a shift in momentum? I think that's the biggest problem with the WWE from an in-ring standpoint right now. The transitions absolutely suck. Most of the time, it's "heel applies chinlock, face powers out." Most of the rest of the time, it's "heel attempts high-risk maneuver for no reason, face rolls out of the way." This goes back to what I was saying about looking like you're trying to win a match. If these things backfire on you every single time, why would you keep doing them? On a somewhat related note, I really hate simultaneous hot tags. They completely go against the logic of tag team wrestling. The face in peril gets beaten down for an extended period of time, but he hits one big move and they're back on equal footing? And why does the fresh face always come out on top over the fresh heel? I understand why this happens from a crowd heat standpoint. But "FIP gains upper hand, makes hot tag, fresh face goes to work on weakened heel" has the same effect and has the added advantage of being simpler and making more sense. I don't understand why anyone would throw out the old formula only to replace it with a different, stupider formula.

Given the precedent for how these things turn out, I'd say the chances of this happening are less than zero. But this reminds me, does anyone think that Eric Bischoff's bitterness toward the Internet is related at least in part to his attempt at a worked shoot blowing up in his face so badly? Back to the novocaine thing. A few of you seem to be unaware of some comments Punk made. Someone had asked him how long he could last in wrestling without taking painkillers. He replied that he wasn't a pussy. Someone else then asked him if that meant that wrestlers who took painkillers were pussies, and Punk replied in the affirmative.