Superstar Sleeze

Bret Hart vs Stone Cold Steve Austin - WrestleMania XIII Submission Match It is matches like this that are the most difficult to review. The reputation that precedes this match is so gargantuan what could you possibly say that has not been said in the past. We all know the historical import of this match. I would go as far as to assert this is the most historically important match in Vince McMahon Jr's WWF. Everything, the superstars, the live events, the TV shows, the merchandise that after this match now for over twenty years was made possible by this match. Very rarely can we point to such a singular match or singular moment where a Superstar is born that is literally going to save a company, lead them from the brink of bankruptcy so that in fours years, they buy their biggest competition and run a major Dome show. What is even more rare is how this match is the perfect confluence of history and art. Think of Hogan vs Iron Sheik and Hogan vs Andre, massively important matches, but as works of art they certainly leave the wrestling fan wanting more. How about matches like Slaughter vs Sheik an absolutely amazing bloodbath, but mostly forgotten to history because ultimately, it was NOT that important or influential, it was a last gasp of a dying era. So what we see here above all else is the magical intercourse of history and art. The resulting climax is true gratification. *****

John Cena vs Brock Lesnar - Extreme Rules 2012 Pride comes before the fall. My favorite gimmick in pro wrestling is the cocky shooter and there is no better cocky shooter than Brock Fucking Lesnar. Those sitdown interviews in the build to this match were amazing, obnoxious schoolyard bully bullshit that only works because Brock Lesnar is on the short list of legit baddest men on this planet. Give me those any day over the interminable Paul E. promos we get nowadays. Cena's subdued response was pitch perfect he recognized the credible threat of Brock, but he was going to defend the industry he loves. Incredible match and we all know that. The violence is definitely an integral part. They set that tone early with Lesnar cutting Cena open hardway with his sharp elbows and they end the match with Cena getting his receipt busting Lesnar open with the chain. The blood flowed freely for the first time in years. To me more than the hard-hitting lariats and elbows, this match was made by the character work. The match was clearly designed to get Brock over as the new top star. The camera was on him the vast majority of the time. Cena did a great job selling, but more often than not we were watching Lesnar mug for the camera. I love the little shit like Lesnar using his foot to push Cena out of the ring onto the floor with a thud like he is human garbage. The cocky attitude of goading Cena to get back up. Of course, when it came time for Lesnar to show vulnerability he did so in spades. Look as Cena picks him up in the kimura and drives him into the steel steps. That look of fear is why Brock Lesnar is one of the smartest wrestlers ever. He knows it is a work. He can show ass. He can show fear. The match is greatly improved. What makes a bully a bully is in his heart of hearts he is an insecure coward. That is Brock Lesnar. He is a badass, but in pro wrestling he knows it is the best interest of the match, his opponent and the product for him to show fear and vulnerability. That's Brock Lesnar, I think Cena did even more to put this match over as a classic. John Cena is clearly in way over his head against Brock Lesnar, but he never gives up. He is a scrappy, blue collar muthafucker thats going to tackle Lesnar, he is going to reverse elbow Lesnar hard, he is going to punch him. It is all to no avail. Lesnar quashes every takedown, every punch, every shoulder tackle with his own big ass offense. Cena never gives up. That's how to live life. We are all in over our heads at some point, fighting a Brock Lesnar, but we dont give up and we just keep fighting. It was Cena's hope spots and the subsequent cutoffs that made this match so engaging. I already mentioned one of the hope spots in the previous paragraph. There are few moments to me in wrestling history as John Cena picking up Brock Lesnar in the kimura and ramming him down onto those steel steps. Cena was getting his ass kicked from pillar to post and for him to do that to Brock. Goddamn! I was pumping my fist here six years later cheering him on. Like many, I originally thought the finish was a copout, but I think it was genius now. The whole Brock does not where Cena went after after he missed the legdrop is great. I love how he gets on the stairs to look for him and then spots Cena's hand. The way Brock's face changes with that sick, sadistic smile. We say sick, sadistic smile a lot in pro wrestling, but no one has a better one than Brock Lesnar. You really believe especially in this match that Brock was going to do baddd things to Cena. That following bump by Brock was even MORE INSANE than I remembered it. Holy Shit! When Brock is on his A-Game, he is the best seller and best bumper in the WWE and he is like 300 fucking lbs. He is The Beast. What a fucking wipe out. He sells the leg, shakes it off and that look of "Lets do that again, but this time I KILL THE BITCH" is amazing. That's when it happens in a supreme moment of pride and arrogance, Brock Lesnar goes for that very move that nearly seriously hurt him and leaves him completely vulnerable as he is flyign through the air, but this time John Cena has his Thug Life Chain and he drills Brock right in the head. Brock's selling after this is amazing, but all the focus is back on Cena's who is FIRED UP! F-U ON THE STAIRS! 1-2-3! Home Fucking Run! Two of the all-time greats putting on a match that displays their unique characters and physical abilities telling the story of Pride vs Perseverance. *****

Koji Kanemoto vs Fujita Jr Hayato - NJPW 5/26/11 While this pales in comparison to their 2009 match, this is still a great, hard-hitting match. It definitely feels a junior NOAH match with all the fighting spirit and defiance. I liked the shoving before the bell and the fighting before Kanemoto takes off the robe. Kanemoto wrestled like a great veteran early taking advantage of mistakes. He ended up getting a gnarly ankle submission out of an abdominal stretch. Then he made the mistake of going high risk and Hayato kicked him in the head. Hayato channeled his inner Shibata with a ton of stiff kicks. Then they kinda lost me with all the fighting spirit, strike exchange. Those punches at the end were ferocious. Hayato is such a great verbal seller. Then it became a big rush of Hayato's Guillotine Choke vs Kanemoto's Heel Hook. Again Hayato's verbal selling made this. There was one great counter into the heel hook from the choke, but ultimately the choke did Kanemoto in. Action-packed, lots of hard hitting and a good submission vs submission story, wished the transitions could have been tighter and the fighting spirit was dropped. ****

Shinsuke Nakamura vs Minoru Suzuki - NJPW G-1 Climax 8/14/11 G-1 Climax 2011 was the first sign of life to come of New Japan being the workrate powerhouse of the globe to fill the void left by the demise of NOAH/King's Road. If you look at Ditch's Best of for 2011 it is littered with New Japan matches and from the G-1 Climax. New Japan would of course explode in 2012 with Tanahashi vs Okada taking center stage. This is a semi-finals match. The winner wins the Block and advances to the finals. I thought this did a great job telling the story of "he who hesitates is lost". The counters were fast and furious and if you didnt keep your foot on the gas pedal than your opponent would take the advantage. Nakamura had Suzuki up against the ropes with some knees and he left him to go work up a head of steam and Suzuki exploded out with a kneelift of his own. Great heat segment on the outside. Lots of railings and even classic American stuff like Suzuki distracting the ref and having his goon beat up Nakamura. Suzuki lets up on the gas and starts to get cocky in the ring and Nakamura launches a salvo of kneelifts. He then KO Punches the goon on the apron, but he admires his handiwork for too long as Suzuki sneaks up with a rear naked choke. Then it is Suzuki who makes the mistake of charging Nakamura and eating a kneelift. Then ending stretch is a great barrage of counters. Suzuki is the man. I love how he sold the palm strike exchange and how he sold that one big Nakamura punch. I love how because Nakamura telegraphed the Boma Ye Knee, Suzuki avoided it and ended up hitting his own. I love how Suzuki goads Nakamura into punching him again, but Suzuki ducks and then goes for the choke to set up the piledriver, but Nakamura is countering the piledriver. Next thing you know Nakamura has him in a flying cross armbreaker, but Suzuki tries to counter BOMA YE! OUT OF NOWHERE! 1-2-3! I love how sudden this was. They were just jockeying and it was anybody's ballgame. It also played into the story that you couldnt telegraph anything. Everything had to be sudden. Amazing display of counterwrestling and quick wrestling. ****1/2

Stan Hansen & Ted DiBiase vs Riki Choshu & Yoshiaki Yatsu - AJPW 12/12/85 I have a sneaking suspicion they are going to do a 30 minute draw so I am going to break this up into halves. First 15 minutes: Ted DiBiase is just weird in All Japan. He looked lost. There was that weird backdrop/sunset flip from Yatsu at the outset that crowd openly laughed at. The constant chinlocking. He just did not fit. From a kayfabe point of view, he constantly lost the advantage that Hansen would garner. Hansen was fucking awesome. Everytime he tagged in DiBiase, DiBiase would end up on his back before you knew it I think Ted's best offense was sending Yatsu to the outside for Hansen to beat up. This is one of those matches that you can point to Stan Hansen single-handledly elevating by his sheer force of his will. That opening lock up with Choshu was electric. I loved how Hansen fought out of the double team. How active he was on the apron, he yanked Yatsu during one rope running segment and bulldozed Choshu in the Scorpion Deathlock in the other both times bailing out DiBiase's sorry ass. The Japanese team was solid. It was a typical All Japan tag. There was a lot of action, but not too much in the way of narrative. The captains looked strong and the junior partners took the heat. So far it has been good wrestling and an inspired Stan Hansen. Welp, I called it. A 30 minute draw. Anytime four greats meander for the first 15 minutes, it just reeks of a draw. Second 15 minutes: Last ten minutes pick up in a big way. Pretty everything after Hansen smacks Yatsu in the head with a rotary phone is gold. Rotary phone that is not something you see too often. They hit a spike piledriver on Yatsu and milk the countout win. Hansen misses the Western Lariat and Yatsu hits a big time dropkick. Choshu & Yatsu work over Hansen's lariat arm and actually babyface him with the crowd chanting his name. Then the finish run is total fun, energetic All Japan chaos. Choshu is nailing lariats on everybody. Hansen eats a spike piledriver at one point. Hansen is actually a pretty good babyface. Hansen is selling his arm and fatigue. He sort of half collapses-half Lariats Choshu while he has DiBiase in the Scoprion Deathlock. An important note since this is part of the Real World Tag League, a draw means Hansen/DiBiase win the tournament thats why Choshu/Yatsu are pouring it on and the gaijin team is content with just playing defense. The bell rings just as Hansen elbows Yatsu while he was covering DiBiase. JIP to the last ten minutes of this 30 minute draw and you will find a rowdy, energetic match, but the first twenty drag. It is cool to see Hansen vs Choshu, but other than that it is just a good match. ***1/2

WWF World Heavyweight Champion ManKind vs The Rock - WWF Royal Rumble 1999 I Quit Match This was the my WWF PPV we ever bought and what a shitshow it was before this match! The Rock was so much cooler in 1999 than he is now. I love this feud. What a natural pairing the cocky jock vs. loveable loser and love it eventually morphed into the Rock N Sock Connection. These two were made for each other. I am going to do this review backwards. The screwjob finish is about the only way out unless you want to completely shatter a heel's credibility. Theres no way you can have a babyface say I Quit. So why not just play the tape of Foley saying I Quit at the beginning of the match. Well, there was a lot of enmity between the two. The Rock really did hate Foley at the time so you think he would want to dish out some pain after being humiliated earlier in the month losing to Foley. I'll give them a pass on the finish. I think was serviceable and what needed to be done. Now the chairshots. They were brutal and plentiful. I lost count. It is definitely one of the more brutal things you will ever see in wrestling. To have his kids front row for Mick Foley's Masochistic Theatre of Pain is weird. I have never read his book. I think I listened to him once on Austin's podcast, but I kinda forget the deal. I think he had a shoot grudge with The Rock afterwards. I have a hard time believing The Rock went into business for himself. It just seems very much in Foley's nature to invite this level of sick pain. It is definitely one of the nastier ways to end a match. Now the electrocution bump. Horrible setup. The Rock just climbing up there for no reason. Foley takes the bump, sparks fly. Cool bump and the lights go out. Shane-O Mac sells it by coming out to stop the match. The Rock gets all indignant that he is going to make his fat ass say I Quit. I liked the People's Elbow on the chair. The ballshots were great hope spots in the handcuffs. Everything before Foley Masochistic Theatre of Pain (electrocution bump and chairshots) was awesome! Like they were well on their way to a classic. Great babyface shine. Foley was rocking. Rocky was bumping. I loved stuff like Rock whipping Foley into the steps for his first bit of offense after the Mankind onslaught, he gets cocky and starts jaw-jacking on commentary. Foley attacks him. Rocky had only hit one move. He had NOT cemented advantage and he paid for it. Great stuff! Loved the Double Arm DDT and Mr. Socko early. Great climatic way to end the shine. It is definitely in Foley's nature to want more pain. He lives for pain and it is not enough. The Rock's heat segment was entertaining as hell. Ringing the bell in the ear, singing a little bit, Evian Spew on Foley. Then Foley's hot comeback which leads to the electrocution bump. Great, hate-filled beginning, terrible setup for the big bump, good stuff directly after the big bump, sick, self-indulgent Foley's Theatre of pain is way too much and the screwjob finish is serviceable. Overall I think this is WWF MOTY for 1999 (terrible year) and still a really interesting match to watch. ****1/4

I dont know what was wrong with me in 2014 but man I didnt know how to rate matches back then. I feel like I should revisit this at some point.

I have been very busy compiling a master spreadsheet to get myself in order for the Greatest Match Ever project, but sometimes a dude just wants to watch some wrestling. The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels - WWF Bad Blood '97 Man, I remember the build for this match like it was yesterday. I just started watching wrestling in late July of 97 and this was one of the feuds that totally hooked me. Shawn Michaels was at the peaks of his heel powers. So, so, so obnoxious. I remember absolutely hating D-X as a kid and I wanted Undertaker to murder him in the ring. That's basically how they sell this match as legalized murder. In hype, everybody is saying this could be Michaels' last match or the last we see of Michaels. Maybe the match I have seen the most in my life. Watching it back, there was not a spot I forgot. I could call the whole match and it is beautiful. We all know the story this is a Horror Movie come to life, but it has been turn on its head. The monster is the hero and the loudmouth prick is being brought to justice, but being locked in the Cell with Frankenstein. Like The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Undertaker rises over and over again. On offense, The Undertaker is perfect and delivers a bone-chilling performance as the remorseless monster stalking his prey. It is not a mood that is invoked a lot in wrestling, but dread is the feeling. Shawn does a great job never letting the babyface shine become heel in peril. With a babyface that moves as slow as the Undertaker and pace being methodical, it could feel that way, but Shawn's big bumping and how they escalate the violence never let this become boring. My one complaint is that it was a little too easy for The Undertaker to take command. I would have loved Shawn try to throw a lot more strategies early on and watch them fail in spectacular fashion. We see him try speed and eat the big boot then he tries punching and then tries a poke to the eye. However, he is so focused on bumping that he needs to show a little more "Oh fuck, I'm screwed" when each plan backfires. I LOVE, LOVE the heat segment. I love how Michaels ducks on the third ricochet off the cage and Taker goes into it. I love that it takes TWO more spots for Michaels' to cement his advantage: he shoves Taker off the apron sending him hard into the cage and then the suicide dive. Then I love the full court press. The elbow drop using the cage is fucking awesome. Came off great. Piledriver on the steel stairs is awesome. Chairshots playing off Summerslam was great, but he should have went for the head and given us double juice. I really liked that big boot hope spot when Taker tied up in the ropes. It got a big pop (biggest of the match thus far) and was a great hope spot. The backdrop over the top rope wipes out the cameraman. Michaels throws a temper tantrum, which plays into his character. I didnt like that Taker had control and had hit the last two spots took so much of a breather to allow Michaels to do this and that Michaels went back on top right afterwards to go through his finish sequence. I think you need a spot in there to have Michaels retake command by Taker missing a move or Michaels be more desperate to attack the cameraman in order to open the cage door. Sweet Chin Music->Zombie Situp is an excellent transition as to why Michaels wanted to get the Hell Out of Dodge. The ending is perfect and revolutionary. The slingshot bladejob, Taker killing Michaels, HBK going down low and then making the impulsive, but dumb decision to climb the cage. The work on top of the cage is amazing and tense. The highspot is iconic even if Foley blew it out of the water the next year. Michaels crumpled in a bloody heap is an amazing visual. I love how they make sure Taker's gets revenge by caving Michaels' brain in with the steel chair as he finally get his receipt for Summerslam only for Kane to debut. What an amazing finish! Kane debuts in the most epic fashion possible and that fucking little bastard Michaels somehow reaps the rewards. Not only does he survive to fight another day, but he gets to gloat about how he beat him. Goddamn if that ain't great booking I dont know what is. A+ for ambiance, narrative and booking. They nailed the big picture, there were just a couple details that could have enhanced the match, but still one of the most influential matches in US Pro Wrestling history and one that is so unique in its dark, slow mood. ****3/4

I am just going through all my reviews now and compiling a spreadsheet for the Greatest Match Ever Project. I am loving that everyone from WingedEagle to Chad to OJ all loved this. I felt like I was going out on a limb with this match but man alive that one-armed comeback is one of the greatest things to ever come out of pro wrestling.

They actually have even better match in 2003 for the Triple Crown if you wanna check that out. They have good chemistry

I love Becky Lynch but I'm pretty bummed about the booking of Asuka.

AMEN! Preach sista! Loving the winning streak gimmick.

Really? I thought AJ/Rusev blew that out of the water. Seemed like a standard triple threat to me. AJ vs Rusev I thought was one of the better matches of WWE since Mania.

Just rewatched as excellent as I remember. Memphis is a great Tag Team territory. Maybe the best of all time in the US? Consummate babyface vs heel dynamics. Right kind of energy from both teams. I love all the heel cheating. As good as Lawler & Dutch were, Billy & Buddy stole the show with all their antics. ****1/2

I mean taking it to the next level. From the very good to the excellent level. I love Rusev.

AJ rules and Rusev finally capitalized on his potential. Amazing match!

He had the anchor known as Shinsuke Nakamura tied around his ankles. Are you really blaming AJ for that?

In unsurprising news, you get AJ away from Nakamura and he is back to having great matches and easily the match of the night. He is the Best In The World.

Not just the best Memphis tags (there are a lot of them!) probably a top ten US tag of all time. The finish is iconic. Legitimately scary and Lane violently protecting Keirn but also is bloody and injured is amazing. Brutal brawl. ****3/4

Totally underrated this...just rewatched this was incredible. So much energy and hate. Amazing brawling. Loved the heat segment on Gilbert and the roll through to Rich for the hot Tag. Best arena brawling you will ever see. The non-finish especially in a Fall Count Anywhere is a real buzzkill, but this ruled! ****1/2

Just rewatched echo all my previous sentiments. Just a great bloody, energetic brawl. Not enough to make my Top 100 but easily one of the greatest Memphis matches of all time

So I just rewatched this match and again keeping in mind I am thinking Top 100 Greatest Matches Ever, Lawler's match layout is not my favorite. It is very John Cena. I know I'm a big Cena homer but that is due to a lot of outside of the ring stuff. Cena and Lawler both have classics and matches of the year, but there are other styles I prefer. The no shine, extended heat segment just is not my favorite thing in the world. Also I'm just not a huge fan of minimalism in art in general. I like punk music here and there. Just like I enjoy watching an economical Lawler match (the Hennig match of July 88 in AWA was beautiful in its economy). Let me reiterate that most men wish they had a match as good as this. Great punches that slugfest after the Strap Comes Down is an all timer. Some great brawling. There were just some stretches where it is a little slow. We are missing a chunk which is probably more of a Dundee heat segment was was already dragging. Really enjoyed but this is going to miss the Top 100. ****1/2

I just re-watched this and my crazy take is I like this better than any of the Dundee matches. The finish is just so over the top that it is beautiful. It is like every wrestling gimmick in one 5 minute blast. I still can't go 5 stars. With a story this minimalist and slow, they need to make up for it with hate. I prefer energetic brawls but if you are going to do war of attrition this was great. They were great faces and heels just didn't think the Hate was that next level hate. I'm picking nits and I'm really thinking about the Greatest match Ever project while I write this. This should make the Top 100. I think this is the greatest Lawler match of all time. ****3/4

AWA World Heavyweight Champion Curt Hennig vs Jerry Lawler - Memphis 5/9/88 On this night, Jerry Lawler was not just King of Memphis, but King of the World! They all came out to pay homage to the King: The Fabulous Jackie Fargo was the special referee, Memphis athletes and even the Mayor of Memphis. They packed the Mid-South Coliseum to watch their hometown hero put his career on the line to win the World Championship that eluded him the best 14 years. He had faced them all Brisco, Race, Bockwinkel, Flair and Martel. Now standing across the ring was Curt Hennig. Not to take anything away from Hennig but how great it would it have been for Bock to be in this position. The first ten minutes were surprisingly sluggish. Some nice bumps by Hennig early off the Lawler punches. In a surprise move, Fargo called timeout so that he could hit the atomic Drop on the shrimp manager they gave Hennig. Memphis was always trying to replicate the success of Jimmy Hart but to no avail. They did some head locks. The reverse waist lock by Hennig went on a while. The action picked up when Lawler missed a leg drop. Hennig got the Boston Crab. Eventually they tumble to the outside where Hennig busts Lawler open with the post. Hennig throws Lawler into a lot of hard metal objects. Lawler fires up on the apron but Hennig butts him in the midsection. Great cutoff. Best spot of the match they ref bump Fargo and Hennig hits a piledriver (illegal in Memphis) and Hennig gets two. What a great nearfall. Fargo starts up with that homecoooking with refusing to come by falls for Hennig. Even Lance Russell is saying you gotta explain that one to me. Some really good slugfest. Hennig at the end was just walloping the cut eye. Great punches. Lawler finally rears back and let's him have it. Catapult into the post...1-2-3! NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION JERRY THE KING LAWLER! Memphis loses its shit. Great moment with a rousing finish stretch. Definitely a match that would be better JIP. I didn't love the ending. It didn't feel climatic. I think the Fist Drop as a definitive ending would be great. What a feel good moment and great action down the stretch! ****1/4

Jerry Lawler vs Eddie Gilbert - Memphis 3/28/88 Missy My God Hyatt! WOOOOOOOO!!! Fun, gimmick brawl built around fire. Anyone who knows me knows I love fire in wrestling. Gilbert burned Lawler in the build to this. Lawler has vowed revenge. Good stalling early by Gilbert to put over how scared he was. Gilbert takes over with a nutshot. He choked Lawler with the turnbuckle rope and tied him in the corner by the throat. Lawler's comeback roared. Loved the piledriver! Missed the fist drop...Hot Stuff wants Missy's high heel shoe. The ref stops her...FIREBALL!!! YES! Great selling! Really good fireball and it really looked like Eddie Gilbert became Hot Stuff. Crowd went crazy! Missy & Doug carry Eddie out and Lawler wins by count out. It is kinda a one trick match but one helluva trick. ****