Lee Casebolt

I am irrationally excited about Suzuki/Zaza.

Who do I have to kill to get tickets for Funk/Hashimoto?

I just got done watching Volk Han's debut match and now I hate joeg all over again.

God, Luger's gonna have Sting assassinated, isn't he?

Thesz is a great prop and a handy excuse to put beloved jobber Mark Fleming in a pushed position. It's a favor to Lou! Had to do it!

If we left him to his own devices, it probably would be. The foreigners are mostly going to be heels because Jesus Christ it's pro wrestling what do you want from me, but we don't have to be stupid about it.

UWF Power Pro, first television taping (This should probably end up divided into two or three weeks of hour-long TV with a few more filler segments.) After some opening credits that show clips of most of our headliners, Gordon Solie introduces the program as "something genuinely revolutionary in the field of professional wrestling. Here to talk more about what Universal Wrestling represents is the UWF-I's American promoter, Mister Bill Watts." Watts: "Thank you, Gordon. It's a pleasure to be here and to get a chance to work with you and with all of these outstanding wrestlers in front of these great fans. As you know, I'd been out of the game a little while, thought maybe I'd retire and take it easy, but it turns out the Cowboy's just not built that way. Wrestling is my profession but it's also my passion. And so I was following some of the news out of Japan, and a man named Nobuhiko Takada claimed to be the real World's Champion. I did some investigating and Gordon, I have to say, I liked what I saw. Mister Takada lead a movement to take the silliness and the extraneous stuff that oftentimes gets in the way of the real sport of professional wrestling. I traveled to Japan and I spoke to Mister Takada and I told him how very impressed I was with what he had accomplished. "But I also told him that, with all due respect, until he left Japan and faced the best the United States and the world had to offer in terms of great athletes and great wrestlers, he could not call himself a real World's Champion. Things got a little heated at that moment, I can tell you, but we eventually came to an understanding and Takada agreed to participate in a United States tour which we believe will be the start of a new movement in professional wrestling. To that end, I've contacted everyone I know in wrestling to find the very best talent available. I called champions in collegiate wrestling, freestyle wrestling, and Greco-Roman wrestling. Judo champions. Sumo wrestlers and sambo wrestlers. We have a protege of the legendary Lou Thesz and a former NWA World Champion in Dory Funk, Jr., and so many more. The very best from the US, from Japan, and from Europe have been brought here to St Louis to show the people what professional wrestling can be. "Wrestling fans have heard a lot of talk over the years, and have learned not to trust any of it. That's enough yapping. Fans, stick around for the next hour. Don't believe what we say. Believe what you see. Let's hook 'em up!" In the ring, Lou Thesz introduces the show. He and Mark Fleming give a brief demonstration to explain the rules of UWF-I. Gary Albright def. [jobber] by TKO (Dragon Suplex, 2:30) We'll find some guy who doesn't mind getting murdered on TV. Doesn't have to be much of a wrestler, just able to eat a suplex without getting his fool neck broken. On commentary, Watts and Solie put over his amateur credentials ("still holds the record for career pins at the University of Nebraska" and "wrestled Doctor Death Steve Williams, who we will see later, in the Big 8 finals") and size and power. "It's hard to find opponents for Albright," says Watts. "The big names just don't want a piece of him. And you can see why." [commercial break] Interview segment with Bob Orton, Jr., who has been to Japan and beaten all those guys. He's not afraid of any Japanese, any Russian, any Brit, anybody. Malenko Brothers def MacDuff Roesch and Barry Horowitz by Technical Decision (2-0, 10m time limit) Fast paced, technical match with minimal striking. Lots of near falls and counter wrestling. The Malenkos get most of the match, but Roesch and Horowitz get a few moments. They're a lesser team, but they're not jobbers. Commentary mentions the lineage of Roesch ("student of the legendary - and feared - Karl Gotch") and Horowitz ("trained by Boris Malenko, which may be either an advantage or a disadvantage in this match"), puts over the Malenkos technical acumen ("two of the smoothest wrestlers in the world") and overall place in UWF-I ("may be in line for a tag team title match sooner rather than later"). [commercial break] Taped segment with Vladimir Berkovich and Chris Dolman throwing around training partners. Lou Thesz joins the commentary team as they do voice over explaining the moves and putting over Berkovich and Dolman's credentials. Watts reveals that this "championship-caliber team from Europe" has been signed to face "the best tag team in the world - the Steiner Brothers" for the World Tag Team titles. Billy Scott def [jobber] by pinfall (3:45) Get some local college kid who can go a little to trade holds with Scott before Billy puts him away with an amateur-style pinning combination. Watts puts Scott over as "an exciting young junior heavyweight with a lot of promise". Interview segment with Dory Funk, Jr. Funk welcomes this return to real wrestling. Admits he's a little past his prime - "but in my prime I was the best wrestler in the world. I've got enough left to take care of most of these boys just fine." Looking for one more run at the title before he retires. [commercial break] Taped segment with Yoji Anjoh leading a brutal training session for Hiromitsu Kanehara, Takeshi Iizuka, and Jun Akiyama. Again, voice over commentary including Thesz to put over the details of the training, why they do certain exercises and moves. Thesz puts over Akiyama as one to watch. "He's young now, but he's got great potential." Ken Shamrock def. Al Snow by submission (heel hook, 3:00) Shamrock plays with Snow a little bit. Want him to do his most athletic stuff. He should look like a superhero. On commentary Watts calls him "the best young prospect in the world". Background piece on Madusa Micelli. "The best female professional wrestler the United States has ever produced," according to Bill Watts. [commercial break] Masahiro Chono def. Dave Taylor by submission (STF, 8:00) Watts calls Chono "one of Japan's best young talents. He's on the verge of breaking out as a championship-level contender." Solie talks a little about the contrast of styles between the Japanese and English schools of wrestling. Lots of back-and-forth, with Taylor having a slight advantage, until Chono catches him with the finish. Piece on Duane Koslowski and the differences between Olympic and professional wrestling. Fit Finlay and Tony St. Clair def. [jobber team] by pinfall (3:00) Finlay and St Clair just run game on two overmatched kids for three minutes. St Clair baffles them with science, Finlay just caves their poor fool heads in. It's a mercy when St Clair finally ties one up for the three count. [commercial break] Piece on Shinobu Kandori and women's wrestling in Japan. Naoki Sano def. [jobber] by TKO (rolling sole butt, 2:30) Sheer brutality from Sano, who never gives the local kid a chance to do anything except take punishment. Adrian Street and Bill Dundee talk about the British wrestling tradition, and the differences between wrestling in the UK and the US. Koji Kitao Challenge Kitao in the ring with three large jobbers. Get the third string U of Missouri heavyweight wrestler and a couple backup offensive linemen who need a few bucks. Those kind of guys. Solie - "Kitao has offered five thousand dollars to the man who can take him off his feet." Watts - "This man is a former sumo grand champion. There are not a lot of people on this Earth who are capable of doing that, but these three are willing to try." It's basically three improv sumo matches. Kitao lets the first one charge and just slaps him down. He meets the second for a brief clash and then tosses him to the mat. The third he locks up with and struggles with for a few seconds, then lifts him, carries him a few feet to the edge of the ring, and hurls him over the top rope to the floor. Cue officials running in, lots of pointing and yelling and threatening of repercussions. [commercial break] Lengthy piece on Steve Williams - his amateur athletic background, his physical prowess, his professional accomplishments. As many bits from former coaches and teammates and opponents as we can get. Steiner Brothers def. [jobbers] by pinfall (3:00) Suplex City, the early years. You've seen a Steiners squash, you know what it looks like. Just like that, but fewer Steinerlines and tilt-a-whirls, more Germans and belly-to-bellys. Brief post-match interview with the Steiners, who say Steiner-like things. Bring Berkovich and Dolman out of the audience. Face-off. Announce Steiners vs Berkovich/Dolman for the World Tag Titles. Nobuhiko Takada profile. Lots of clips of him kicking people directly in the face and those people losing consciousness as a direct result. Back to the arena, where Steve Williams is in the ring with Lou Thesz. Short interview, he says Steve Williams things. Cue some theme music, march out Takada with entourage and carrying impressive title belt. Face-off. Jawing back and forth. Pushing and shoving. The two men are separated before too much damage is done. Announce Takada vs Williams for the Professional Wrestling Heavyweight Championship of the World. fin.

Wrestling Santa - It's not exactly what I asked for but I'll take it. Please enjoy the cookies.

Barb/Bossman tease works for me. That's a money feud as far as I'm concerned.

This is the greatest of great things. GENE~!

There is no bigger fan of the Inoki vs The World tours than me, plus I love the Russian shooters. Expect this to be amazing.

Nice! Magee really had a great build, a good look, and top-notch athleticism. It's not hard to imagine a promoter projecting him as a future star. I liked that, too. Hey, they can't all be winners.

Dear Wrestling Santa, I have been very good this year. I would like to see Hiroshi Hase wrestle Kiyoshi Tamura in the style of the shooters. To reiterate - very good, Hase/Tamura. Sincerely, Lee Casebolt

I need Sabu vs Gang. Do you hear me? I need it.

You mean, like, featuring Johnathan B. Badd or Kenneth Patera? I'd like to see that, too. James Snuka in a suit and tie. Please.

The reason is it would be awesome.

I'm totally cool with that. If Steve Lombardi travels the world putting people over, so be it. Oh, and if you've posted a fed and I haven't told you it looks rad as fuck already - it looks rad as fuck. I can't wait to see how these turn out.

Grimmas, you are a goddamn lunatic, and I mean that in the best possible way.

I can't decide which particular match-up of Bret Hart - Rick Martel - Ron Garvin I want most, but I want to see all those.

I love the LHW title match being three falls under three sets of rules. Old school? That's straight out of the 1800s.

The Official Rules of the Universal Wrestling Federation-International As Adapted from the 1974 Official Wrestling Rules of the National Wrestling Alliance 1. All throws, holds, and other techniques permitted under amateur competition in US folkstyle, international freestyle, international Greco-Roman, Olympic judo, and international SAMBO wrestling are permitted. The folkstyle slam rule is not in effect - a wrestler may be brought to the mat in any manner whatsoever, excluding those specifically banned below. Likewise, the "potentially dangerous hold" rule is not in effect - holds against the joints to effect a pinfall or submission are legal. Strikes with the open hand, forearm, knee, shin, instep, and flat-of-foot are legal. Wrestlers are cautioned to protect themselves at all times. 2. A match will end immediately if a wrestler's shoulders are pinned to the mat for three seconds, as counted by the referee, if a wrestler submits to a legal hold, or if a wrestler is knocked out by a legal technique. In all such cases, the wrestler's opponent will be judged the winner of the contest by pinfall, submission, or knockout (KO). 3. If a wrestler grabs the ring ropes, whether by hand or by hooking the rope with an arm or leg, the wrestler's opponent will immediately relinquish any hold. The opponent will be awarded one point and the wrestlers will be restarted in a neutral position. 4. If a wrestler is knocked down by a legal strike or high amplitude throw/suplex, the wrestler's opponent will immediately go to a neutral corner and the referee will begin a count. If the wrestler cannot rise and be ready to continue wrestling by the count of ten, the opponent will be awarded a knockout victory as per Rule 2. If the wrestler is able to continue, the opponent will be awarded one point and the match will continue. 5. A wrestler who scores five points in a non-title match, or ten points in a title match, will be awarded a Technical Fall. 6. If no fall or Technical Fall is recorded by a match's time limit, the wrestler with more points will be awarded a Technical Decision. If points are equal, the match will be considered a Draw. No overtime is permitted except where specifically contracted. 7. The following techniques are illegal and may result in warning, point deduction, or disqualification at the discretion of the referee - Hair pulling, eye gouging, or biting Pulling the trunks, masks, or other equipment. EXCEPTION - Judo or SAMBO jackets, if worn, may be held or pulled by either wrestler Closed fist punches or kicks with the point of the toe Throwing the opponent over the top rope Piledriver Failing to break a hold when instructed before the referee's FIVE COUNT Use of any foreign object Continuing to abuse a defeated opponent Any interference by managers, seconds, or corner men

This looks awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I wanted to draft 90% of your roster.

Kayfabe-breaking Introduction I am a weirdo because One of the ways in which I am a weirdo is that being a fan of pro wrestling was my bridge into being a fan of amateur wrestling, judo, and the martial arts in general. Despite spending my childhood trapped in a world without cable or any local promotion to speak of, and exposed almost exclusively to the WWF except via Apter mag or VHS rental, I gravitated towards the technical wrestlers - Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, etc. My first question when I understood wrestling was fake was "who tells Andre he has to lose?". My second was "what if it wasn't?". I live in Iowa. There are badass wrestlers all over the place. Surely someone somewhere could put together a card that has real athletes really competing, but let them use the broader scope of throws and holds of pro wrestling instead of the much more limited techniques allowed to amateurs. I didn't find shoot-style til 1996, and didn't really take to it. It was just faked MMA. I already had MMA. I didn't need this. Then I saw Volk Han vs Kiyoshi Tamura and I got over myself. One thing still bothered me, though. If this was pro wrestling, where were the pins? You should be able to pin people in wrestling. I believe this very firmly. Over the years, I've come to believe that if shoot style had kept pinfalls in addition to submissions and KOs, it would not only have been an aesthetically superior product, but it would have had a chance to stand out from MMA in a way that would have let it survive as a major style today. My UWF is a take on that what-if. What if Bill Watts got force-fed a bunch of UWF/UWFi and World of Sport, hooked up with Lou Thesz for US legitimacy and Nobuhiko Takada for international talent, and promoted a shoot style that incorporated more classical catch as catch can matwork? Bring in the American Gotch trainees like the Malenkos and Roesch, a Malenko trainee in Barry Horowitz. One of Thesz's boys in Mark Fleming. The former collegiate wrestlers like Williams, Albright, and the Steiners. A Russian amateur (I wanted more Russians, but it turns out there's a major Russian promotion now, so that ain't gonna happen.), a Dutch sambo champ. A few World of Sport guys. The Japanese shooters and some NJ trainees. An old NWA champ in Dory Funk Jr. for a little prestige, and some traditional pros with strong mat game like Bob Orton. I wanted some lucha matworkers, but my knowledge there is pretty sparse and names I knew went fast. Maybe next time. We're not going to beat you over the head with "It's REAL!" because that bullshit never convinces anyone and, if anything, just gives people more reason to look for the fake. Just present a bunch of genuinely tough, genuinely skilled athletes doing legitimate techniques. And we'll spice up the delivery some for the sake of drama, but everything you see is something one real wrestler could do and has done to another. Believe it if you want to.

1988 Gordon Solie

Give me 1992 Dave Taylor