cactus
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Everything posted by cactus
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Chyna is forced to be handcuffed to Sgt. Slaughter to stop her from interfering. Triple H is in a weird transitional phase, where he's still dressed like a blueblood, but is doing the DX cross chops. This was a solid title defence that was given a lot of time to breath, with Triple H working over Owen's leg. Owen gets some hard-way blood on his nose. The first half of this was solid and unspectacular, but the exciting finishing stretch is where things become very back and forth. Chyna blinds Slaughter with some powder and low blows Owen, allowing for Hunter to steal the win. ★★★ -
A fun showcase for the light heavyweight division. Some of the dives here were impressive, even by today's standards. Aguila's corkscrew plancha and Taka's spaceman dive were two notable highlights. You do get the feeling that the crowd were cheering more for the big spots rather than the wrestlers, as both guys got zero reaction when they were being introduced. Aguila is only 20 and is very green, but TAKA is able to carry him through this nicely. Although this has nothing on WCW's cruiserweight division, this added some welcome variety and flash to an already colourful card. ★★★
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The Legion Of Doom return repackaged as the LOD 2000. Complete with new attire and Sunny as their valet, the Boston crowd absolutely adore them and they look like a million bucks. Sadly, this goes off a cliff once the bell rings. This is bad, even by battle royal standards. Not a whole lot of note happens. Barry Windham, who isn't in the match, comes down and starts brawling with Bradshaw. The LOD win by last eliminating Bob Holly & Bart Gunn. Even when they are being protected by being in a battle royal, you can still tell that the LOD's best days are well behind them. ½★
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Like many others, my opinion of this sixty-plus minute main event changes with time. I went from loving it, loathing it, to now just thinking that it's pretty good overall. The first half hour sees some rock-solid wrestling that bores a lot of the crowd. Hart's arm is worked over consistently, but it's eventually forgotten about during the finishing stretch. The most interesting thing that happens during the first half is the timekeeper accidently taking a superkick. It's brutal spot that really puts over HBK's Sweet Chin Music as lethal. The last thirty minutes kicks things into gear, with the guys hitting all kinds of exciting high spots. There's plenty of downtime hindering this overall, but this is the best Wrestlemania main event match behind Savage/Hogan at this point in time. Hart looked legitimately pissed off after he loses. ★★★¼
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I'm not entirely sure why I loved this so much when I first saw this, but I think it might have something to do with me finding finishers being kicked out of the ultimate sign of a good match when I was young in my fandom. This is a solid enough outing by both men, with Diesel being much easier to digest when he's working as smug and arrogant heel. The Undertaker shows that he's actually able to sell and moves around a lot faster than what we are used to pre-1996. Big Sexy does the honours for 'Taker after two of his Jackknife Powerbombs aren't able to get the job done. ★★½
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Vega and Austin kick this one off with some great brawling. Sadly, this stops being interesting once the action simmers down. Lawler and McMahon stop caring about this once Roddy Piper calls into the arena. We then go to the infamous OJ Simpson chase footage masquerading as Piper chasing down Goldust. I still have no idea why they would use that footage as it borders on tasteless and it's wasn't even funny. The finish of this was also lame. Austin nails Vega with Dibiase's Million Dollar belt when the referee is down, and locks in a sleeper which gives Austin the win after the referee finally wakes up and drops Vega's arm three times. The entire ending sequence went on for too long and Austin should of just pinned Vega after the belt shot. ★★¼
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The stipulation of this is that if the babyfaces win, Yokozuna gets to have five minutes alone with Jim Cornette. The tags are quick and constant, never allowing the action stagnate. Everyone put in a good shift, with the exception of Ahmed Johnson, who looks like he struggled with even the most basic of wrestling fundamentals. He still looked intense and had buckets of charisma. He's probably my favourite guilty pleasure wrestler behind Sid. This was a solid opener that was designed to allow Vader and Yoko to go at it, without putting on a poor match. ★★¾
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If you can overlook the homophobia of this angle, the Backlot portion of this felt like an interesting precursor to the Hardcore division. Piper might of been getting on a bit by 1996, but he still looks like a star and is as charismatic as ever. Once they finally make it to the arena, they brawl around the place until Piper strips Goldust down to his underwear and is declared the winner. Although this is impossible to rate, I didn't hate this as it felt different and the crowd dug it.
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Sable makes her debut as Helmsley's valet and Lawler and Vince can't stop ogling her and it's clear that she's going to stick around and go on to big things, even here. Knowing all the terrible stuff that Triple H has done throughout his career, it's oddly satisfying watching him get squashed in seconds and have his finisher completely devalued in the wake of Warrior no-selling it. The post-match sees Helmsley argue with a debuting Marc Mero, who ends up leaving with Sable. The crowd love Warrior and it feels like a lifetime since he last wrestled in a WWF ring, when in reality it was only three and half years. I do wonder what would of happened with Warrior if he had stuck around the fed and not left after a disastrous four months. ½★
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Although I question the logic of feeding a credible heel to a celebrity non-wrestler, Bam Bam did a wonderful job of getting something worthwhile against a football player with zero experience. The NFL players and the remaining members of the Million Dollar Corporation standing around the ring and cheering their guy made this feel like a bigger deal, and we even get a rare look at pre-WCW Steve McMichael. This was very simple stuff, with Bigelow in the driver's seat for the majority of the match. Bam Bam nails his moonsault, but hurts his knee. The beating on L.T continues until he's able to mount a comeback and football tackles him multiple times to win. ★★
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Pamela Anderson is meant to be accompanying Shawn Michaels, but she shows up with Diesel. HBK brings out Mellissa McCartney instead. The celebrates are sat next together, but they don't do anything until Diesel celebrates with them both after his successful defense. Michaels makes his best mate look like a million dollars by bumping all over the place for him. This was structured well and it never looks out of place when the much smaller HBK is working over Diesel. Michaels isn't too interesting when working on top, but he does what he needs to do. This was a total Michaels carryjob. ★★★¼
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Backlund and Hart are obviously very capable wrestlers, but the stipulation hindered this big time. They trade some nice holds, but the mid-90's WWF audience aren't the type of crowd who are going to pop for submission wrestling. Bret locks in the winning submission by countering Backlund's finisher into a crossface chickenwing of his own. Piper screaming into everyone's face every few seconds didn't make this anymore tolerable. To make matters even worse, Backlund doesn't even say 'I quit!' when Piper calls for the bell. ★½
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Owen's mystery partner is revealed to be none other than Yokozuna. The Smoking Gunns are solid hands, but their lame gimmick does not endear them to the crowd and they get little in the way of reactions. Owen and Yoko instantly click as partners. Owen deals with the workrate, whilst Yoko is the heavy who puts the Gunns in their place. Owen gets the pin after a Yokozuna Banzai Drop and the crowd jump out of their seats in joy. Owen might of been a heel, but the fans in Hartford really seem to like him here. Decent enough, with the action keeping a consistent pace. ★★
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There's part of me that thinks that this is actually worse than Undertaker's match with Gonzales. That was laughably bad, this was just downright bad. The action consists of punches, kicks and a good serving of rest holds. Kama comes down and steals the urn. Jim Ross interviews Kama on his way to the back, and he cuts a promo saying he's going to melt the urn down. I feel like this was here to distract us from what was happening in the ring. We're even robbed of a satisfying ending, as Undertaker is unable to scoop Bundy up for a Tombstone or a Chokeslam, so he instead pins him after a flying clothesline. DUD
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This was a fun title defence built around Jarrett and Roadie always trying to cheat, with it always blowing up in their faces. The 1-2-3 Kid is in Razor's corner and he stops the heels from trying to leave. I've said it many times before, but Ramon is such an underrated puncher. Jarrett works over Razor's leg, who sells it well. Ramon has this one won, but the Roadie runs in and causes a disqualification to save his client from losing his title. 1-2-3 Kid lands some nice looking spin kicks to save the day and the faces celebrate, despite Razor didn't win the championship. Everyone was good in this, even if the finish did stink. ★★¾
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A completely forgettable opener that is severely lacking in energy. Jacob and Eli Blu bring literally nothing to the table, with the exception of being twins with a good size and look. They do the twin magic spot twice to little reaction. The crowd come alive, albeit briefly, once Bulldog is able to get the hot tag to Luger. The finish was decent enough, with Bulldog surprising one of the Blu Brothers by countering his powerbomb attempt to Luger with a top rope sunset flip after sneaking a blind tag. ★¼
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Bret and Yokozuna put on a solid main event built around Yoko's size. Bret works at a slick pace and bumps off Yoko like he's a fly hitting a tank. Yoko is knocked off his feet by Bret smartly trapping his legs into the ropes and tripping him up. The finish sees Mr Fuji throwing salt into Bret's eyes felt a touch anti-climatic, but it's nothing when compared to the post-match nonsense with Hogan stealing the moment and making it all about him yet again. There's not a bigger star in the company than Hogan at the time so it makes sense for him to be involved with the main event, but this still leaves a sour taste in my mouth after all these years. ★★½ for Bret/Yoko and a big fat DUD for Hogan/Yoko.
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Gonzales at least tries to make an effort when he's selling Undertaker's big soup bones, but he's still the drizzling shits. He only takes one bump in this and that was after the bell! They awkwardly brawl around the place until Gonzales is disqualified by using a towel soaked in chloroform to incapacitate 'Taker. They do a post-match stretcher job, but Undertaker rush back out to clean house. Easily Undertaker's worst streak match, but at least the fans seemed into this. DUD
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Perfect himself said he had an off-day and fucked up this match and it shows. It's completely uninteresting, although that could just be as Luger is leading the match and Perfect character doesn't exactly allow him to work as a face fighting from underneath. Luger's entrance with the bikini-clad women and mirrors was great, as was Perfect flubbing his words in the pre-match promo and accidently calling his opponent 'the Lexissist'. This went on for ten minutes and felt like twenty. I'm sure if the heel and face roles were reversed, this would of been a great showing. ★¾
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If you can put the godawful booking to the back of your mind, this match wasn't bad at all. Hogan, Beefcake and Dibiase have all worked with each other hundreds of times before this and can pull out something solid that the crowd eat up, even if it's not all that interesting. Beefcake is decent enough as a face in peril. The first bit of bad booking when the referee decides that he has the power to strip Money Inc. of their titles if they don't get back in the ring. The finish with Jimmy Hart turning his jacket inside out to count the pin was seriously dumb and made the babyfaces look like utter morons. ★★¼
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If you had never seen Bob Backlund before this, you'd be forgiven thinking he was an aging journeyman. The commentators never mention that he's a former world champion and the crowd give him zero reaction. This had solid fundamentals, Razor throws good punches and Backlund sells them well. Unfortunately that's all the good I can say about this. It's short and had no build-up. Razor rolls up Backlund for the win. As Backlund wasn't presented as much of a threat, this made Razor look bad as he was only able to escape with the skin of his teeth against a much smaller and older opponent. ★½
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As Crush enters the arena, he looks like the dog's bollocks and you're left scratching your head wondering how such a specimen never became a huge star. Then the bell rings and you realize why. He beats Doink all over the place and looks lost and awkward. Luckily Matt Bourne is a good hand and is able to stop Crush from completely shitting the bed on his first ever singles feud. I know it's not to everyone's tastes, but I dug the finish. After a ref bump, a second Doink appears from under the ring and lays into Crush with a prosthetic arm before returning back to his a hiding spot. After the bell, a second referee comes down to argue the result with the first ref, but the second Doink had mysteriously disappeared from under the ring. It's silly and campy, but it fits the product they were putting out at the time. ★ ½
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Even if this is a throwaway undercard match, these two teams aren't afraid to go hard on each other. Scott Steiner nearly kills himself after an over-powered Stun Gun sends him headfirst to the outside. The Headshrinkers work over him until he is able to get a hot tag after Samu misses a huge top rope splash. Rick clears house and is able to counter a Doomsday Device with a powerslam! Like many other Steiner Brothers matches, this was reckless and dangerous, but I can't say I wasn't entertained! ★ ★ ★
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This was worked like something you'd see at a house show until the finishing stretch kicks into gear. Michaels already looks like a pro as he controls Tatanka and leads the match. Tatanka is an average worker, with a brilliant comeback. Michaels has ditched Sherri for Luna, but Sherri decides to show up and root for anyone not named Shawn Michaels. The women don't get involved much until the post-match. The finish is designed to keep the belt on Michaels without destroying Tatanka's win record, so they come up with a bullshit ending which sees Tatanka win by countout after some shenanigans. Crap finish aside, this was a satisfactory opener. ★★★
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Not crap because of the wrestlers involved, just crap because of the length and the lack of content. Santana lands his flying forearm, only for Mountie to roll out of the ring. Jimmy Hart then gives Mountie his cattle prod and Mountie cheats to get the deciding pinfall. All done and dusted in 81 seconds. Poor Tito. DUD