cactus

Eh, that was okay, but would be a lot better with a crowd adding some atmosphere and fire to the hot tags. Can't believe the wrestlers are still playing to the non-existent crowd.

That intro was awful and it went on forever. I can't tell if the host is meant to be a heel or he's just one of the worst babyfaces ever.

Yeah, Gulak and Cesaro was a lot of fun. Gulak's counters were amazing.

Despite everything I'm still looking forward to this. There's not much to look forward to nowadays, so even a train wreck Wrestlemania in front of nobody is better than nothing. I still think doing a triple threat for the Tag titles is mind numbingly stupid, mind.

This is a super physical match with phenomenal yet simple storytelling. Gulak goes after Bryan's injured neck by hitting him with some horrific looking suplexes. One German sees Bryan landing violently on his neck. He sells his injuries by having tingles in his fingers and he worked me good. I remember watching this live and feeling extremely concerned for him. Bryan gets the win after a nifty display of submission attempts. Even the naff crowd couldn't harm this. If you are partial to technical wrestling and a nasty suplex or two, this is the match for you. ★★★★¼

Fujita tries to get in Shiozaki's head by starting this off with a THIRTY MINUTE STAREDOWN. At the 15 minute mark, Fujita looks like he's about to start grappling, but he just moves to another corner. This cemented Fujita as a prick heel who's not going to play Shiozaki's game. Once Fujita finally shots for a takedown, he's successful but he's in no hurry to advance to a better position. He keeps Go in the same position for minutes at a time, all while laying in some trash talk. Fujita takes Shiozaki on a tour of the Kouraken before trying to throw him off the balcony. The match loses me once they get back in the ring. Everything is fine. It's a fairly violent hoss match that teases a time limit draw. Seeing Fujita soccer kick someone in the head when they're down will never not be entertaining though. Although it's a tad pretentious, I give them props for making something unique out of our current situation, but I don't think I'll ever watch this again.

I used to have this event on VHS and I watched it a lot as a kid, but I never remember this being such a drag. Bret Hart coming down at the start of this match to cut a whining promo might just be the best part of this. Sid spends a lot of time keeping Undertaker in rest holds. Undertaker not being able to show emotion limits him when he's teasing a comeback. The worst match on the card and a stinker of a Wrestlemania main event. At least the crowd seemed to enjoy this. ★½

Yeah, I still enjoy this a lot. By no means a perfect brawl, but LOD and Ahmed Johnson look larger than life handling the entire Nation of Domination. LOD are well past their prime, but you wouldn't of noticed due to the chaotic pace of the match (if you can ignore that horrific piledriver spot). This type of ECW garbage brawling just wasn't seen in a major federation at the time. This is the only street fight than WWE have done that actually lives up to it's name. ★★★½

Even watching these two trade punches is elite tier stuff. They brawl throughout the crowd and it feels organic. The crowd, who have been quiet all night, wake up as soon as the crowd brawling starts. Once their back in the ring, Bret starts his assault on Austin's leg. Austin sells this so well, flailing all over the place. Austin tries to keep with Bret, but Bret keeps cutting him off. After getting cut open, Austin doesn't have much more to give. He tries to choke out Bret with an electrical cord, but Bret wails him with a ring bell. All the weapon spots have meaning and aren't just used to add a nice spot here and there. Austin passes out in the Sharpshooter, and Shamrock calls for the bell. J.R's call of Austin never giving up adding a lot to his face turn. This is so much more than just a good bladejob. So glad this holds up. Arguably the best match in company history. ★★★★★

Both teams are heels, but Bulldog and Owen work as faces for this match. Bulldog does some cool power spots on Vader and Owen does a decent job at being a face, despite being a heel for most of his WWF run. I think he would of fared better if they gave us a reason to cheer to him. Lawler absolutely loses his shit when he finds out that Stu and Helen Hart are at ringside, as he rips into them in typical King fashion. Bulldog gets a hot tag and throws Mankind violently into the turnbuckle twice. The match goes to a double countout after Mankind and Bulldog get knocked outside. Looking at all the phenomenal talent in this match, this should of been better than it was. Being a heel vs heel match and having a weak non-finish all didn't help matters. Vader was clearly done with the WWF at this point, it's crazy to think that he would stick around for another year. ★★¾

Despite also being a heel, Lawler rips on Chyna's appearance. Stay classy, Jerry. Goldust starts this match with the shine you would expect any southern babyface to get. Great Punches Dustin brawls Helmsley all over the place, getting him tied up in the ropes, a spot that has to be as old as pro-wrestling itself. Goldust is cut off by taking a nasty spill to the outside after a failed top rope move. The rest of the match consists of Goldust keep getting cut off whenever he tries to make a comeback. After standing still the entirety of the match, Chyna makes her way to Marlena. Marlena ends up in a bearhug as Chyna violently ragdolls her about. This distraction is enough for HHH to land a Pedigree and get the win. ★★½

The Honky Tonk Man joins the commentary team for this and he's humorously out of place for 1997. The Rocky Maivia character has been a massive bomb so far, with many 'Rocky sucks' chants being heard throughout the match. The Sultan can't work an interesting control segment to save his life. He keeps Rocky in a chinlock that felt like it went on forever. The only entertainment I got from this part of the match was the commentary. Rocky's dancing comeback is cheap initiation of his dad's, it's no wonder why he didn't get over initially. After hitting his signature top rope crossbody, Rocky goes for a pin only for the referee to be distracted by Bob Backlund and Iron Sheik at ringside. After a Sultan false-finish, Rocky scores a roll-up for the win. The heels lead a post-match attack and eventually Rocky Johnson gets involved and helps his son clean house. It's nice that they gave Johnson a moment at Wrestlemania, but it did his son no favours as it made him look like a right Daddy's boy. This match was saved from being completely dull by the ending and the post match stuff. ★★

The New Blackjacks could of worked as a great hoss heel team if they weren't saddled knocking off a gimmick that was over two decades old at this point. I never understood Vince's obsession with making 'new' versions of classic tag teams. There's a bit of confusion about the rules as both Headbangers are the two legal men at one point. Furnas hits a beautiful frankensteiner on one of the Blackjacks. Blackjacks and Lafon & Furnas are easily the most enjoyable parts of this match, although it's not long until both of them are eliminated in succession. Firstly the Blackjacks get DQ'd by attacking a referee, then Lafon & Furnas are counted out. The Godwins take control of The Headbangers as Lawler and McMahon have some great lines about McMahon being out of touch with rock music. The Headbangers eventually pick up the win after using their speed and aerial attacks. This did it's job of getting over The Headbangers as a quirky yet likeable opening tag team. Big Dave has this rated at -★★½. , but I have no idea why it's so low as it's a perfectly acceptable tag match. ★★

After a year of build, there was no way they were ever going to match the hype. One thing that would of helped this greatly is that if they didn't go 30 minutes. There's a lot of lying around here. After some neat power struggles to kick off the match, Rock gets gassed early on and it's up to Cena to carry this. Cena is taking the role as heel as the Miami crowd are never going to be cheering him over the Rock. Cena as always, is at his best when he's getting under the skin of the older fanbase. He takes an extra second to perform his big moves and the crowd are out for blood. Could of easily been a ★★★★+ 20 minute match if they trimmed the fat. ★★★

Raw GM John Laurinaitis added the stipulation that if Punk gets DQ'd, he loses his title, so Jericho does everything he can to get under Punk's skin and try to get him to disqualify himself. I didn't find their acting corny at all, but I didn't like how they never played up on this again after Punk stops himself from levelling Jericho with the chair. After that they start working this match as you would expect out of these two. It's high on workrate, but low on actual drama as Jericho spends his time chipping away at Punk's back. Jericho just wasn't that interesting working down Punk. After Punk gets his comeback, the match picks up again. Each wrestler tries to lock in their submission and it results in some exciting back and forth action. I'm a big fan of the finish. After Jericho keeps escaping the Anaconda Vice by kneeing Punk's damaged back, so Punk hits the move with a bridge and that's enough for Jericho to tap out. The Best In The World has to adapt to keep his title. ★★★½

If this looks like a match that they threw together just to get everyone on the card to you, then you would be right. The 'Taker/Trips HIAC match had drained the crowd and they spend most of the match sitting on their hands. Mark Henry feels wasted being here as he had just come off his incredible Hall of Pain run. He doesn't get much time to shine, but seeing him throw trash talk at a downed opponent is always entertaining. Santino will forever be a gullibility pleasure of mine. Anyone who can get something as dumb as the Cobra over is more than okay in my book. Things pick up when everyone gets a chance to throw a few of their signature spots in. The match ends in betrayal as Eve Torres enters the ring to distract her boyfriend Zack Ryder from hitting his finish. They did what they could here and the result was entertaining, even if the crowd was feeling burnt out still. ★★¾

There's two types of wrestling cheese. The good and the bad. An example of the good kind is Undertaker and Triple H having a stare down, whilst a cell lowers around them whilst Metallica plays. The bad kind is Shawn Michael's entire performance in this match. His GCSE drama level acting is distracting and takes away from the match big time. Every time he counts a near-fall, he flails around the place like a moron. 'Taker and Triple H drum up some classic Wrestlemania Moments™. The Sweet Chin Music to Pedigree spot made me think that Triple H is going to end the streak. They use all the bells and whistles they can to give this a big match feel and it works for the most part. The weapon spots, ref bumps and finisher kickouts, it's all here. The opening brawling might lack heat, but the storytelling and visuals (Trips tripping after the Undertaker sits up is a particular favourite of mine) make up for it. This isn't the masterpiece they were hoping for, but it's a bloated epic that every wrestling fan needs to see, even if they end up hating it. ★★★½

Jerry Lawler is still in perv mode, despite us being 5 years into the PG era at this point. I always remember Eve Torres as the workhorse of the PG Diva's era. She wouldn't get much to work with, but she always put in the effort to get something decent of any situation. Beth Phoenix and her are calling the match, which is good as their opponents are a non-wrestler in Maria Menounos and Kelly Kelly. To Kelly's credit, she didn't do anything to harm this match. She hit her flying hearscissors and even a somersault seated senton from the top rope. This wasn't a good match, but it was too short to be anything too offensive. Menounos had cracked ribs here and still wanted to do the match, so props to her. ★½

After Rhodes fails to take Big Show down as the match starts, Show gets a lengthy shine segment. Chopping Cody's chest, throwing him around the ring like a sack of shit and even giving him a stinkface. Cody takes control by going after the big guy's legs. After dazing Show with a Beautiful Disaster kick, Cody tries his luck and goes to hit him with another, only to be cut off with a nasty spear right to the groin. Shows gets a win and finally gets his Wrestlemania moment. This was a lot more enjoyable that you would think. They play up to the size differences, it's wrapped up in just over five minutes and it has a feel-good ending to boot. ★★¾

Both Orton and Kane are two wrestlers who can be good when they want to be, but can also be incredibly drab and dull when they aren't full motivated. Sadly, this was the latter. There's not much to say about the first five minutes. Kane throwing some nice throat thrusts is the only thing that comes to mind. It's all quite colorless and fans who are still annoyed by the treatment of Daniel Bryan aren't having this and you can a smattering of 'boring' and 'Daniel Bryan' chants. Thankfully, the crowd wake up and the action gets going once Orton hits one of his signature moves after countering a sidewalk slam attempt. Orton eats a chokeslam after missing his punt. He kicks out and the fans are invested again. Orton loses the match after Kane scores a rare top rope chokeslam. This was a solid enough match once it got going. ★★

This is the match where Bryan loses the World Heavyweight title in under 30 seconds. I remember watching Bryan's entrance live and feeling so proud for him. A ROH guy finally in a World title match at Wrestlemania. If only I knew what was about to happen. Bryan kisses AJ, Sheamus lands a Brogue Kick, it's all over. This shock win pops the crowd, but it's not long before they start they start booing and cheering Bryan's name throughout most of the event. There's a part of me that wants to put on my tinfoil hat and say that WWE knew they would get strong backlash from this and it was all intentional as a way to get Bryan over at a main event level, but I'm probably giving them way too much credit.

The Firefly Funhouse vignette and New Day vs Usos were the only things worth seeing on Smackdown this week. That opening promo was awful. Porn tier acting unfolding in front of no one. Had to fast forward that. Yeah... I think I'm done with these empty arena shows. The novelty has worn off. I'll give Wrestlemania a watch, but I'm not going to bother keeping up until this all settles down. I'm hoping that they take some much needed time off soon.

Triple H defends the WWE World Title. Triple H is in full Harley Race cosplay mode here. Not only has he got the facial hair, but works this match is a slow, technical style not too different from Race's. This match walks the thin line between 'slow and methodical' and 'slow and boring', with it leaning slightly towards the latter. Trips takes out Orton with a slick drophold that I wasn't expecting from him. Orton sells the leg well as Triple H tears it apart. The referee gets knocked out and outside hi-jinks ensue as Evolution run down to screw Orton out of the title on his first PPV defence. Orton puts up a good fight, and he hits some of his best RKOs he's ever done on all three members of Evolution before Triple H puts him away with a Pedigree on a steel chair. ★★¾

Robert Conway & Sylvan Grenier defend the WWE Tag Team Titles. La Resistance get absolutely nuclear heat for singing the Candian national anthem before the match. Anyways, this is solid. Tajiri is one of the best undercard worker in the company at this time. He has some of the best kicks in the business and both Conway and Grenier sell them wonderfully. The crowd seem worn out by the time the match starts and this does overstay it's welcome a tad. I guess they had to fill time as they do stretch out most of the matches on this card. The finish involves the dastardly French Canadians using their flag to score the win. ★★½

HBK carries Kane to a satisfying brawl. This was happening right in the middle of that godawful Kane/Lita forced wedding storyline. Thankfully, Snitsky hasn't yet came into the picture. Despite the horrific material Kane has to work with, he's great at being an evil, despicable bastard. I wish that would translate better to his in-ring skills, as this is rather bland when Kane is working over Michaels. This picks up as soon Michaels hits his kip-up. He shoots up to his feet just a few seconds after Kane does his sit-up. Michaels keeps trying to make a comeback, but Kane cuts him off every time. It's common knowledge at this point, but Michaels is fantastic when he's working as the underdog. HBK bleeds (always a sign of a good Michaels match!), and both guys keep attempting their finishes. After being distracted by Lita, Michaels gets the win after a Sweet Chin Music and a jackknife pin. ★★★¼