El-P

Raven is great.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Prince Puma. MOTYC. What ? Wanna play-by-play wanker analysis ? A podcast maybe ? Watch the fucking match ! And yeah, movez, motherfuckers. I'll love the day when Ricochet gets signed to WWE (because he's money if anyone is) and we get the old "he must learn how to work" bit. And Rey. Well, what to say about Rey ? 41, banged up body, barely any knees, and he had that match in him. A Top 10 best wrestler ever if there's one. This was the dream match the two years of Lucha Underground manage to produce, and it delivered from a to z. Great job people. Oh, and that post-match. I guess Vampiro has a clause in his contract that forces him to bleed like a pig at every Ultima Lucha show. Oh, ad that cliffhanger !!! I saw *that* smile coming. Dario is da boss. This is also the proof that today, pro-wrestling should be a seasonal serie (not a neverending flow of dullness boredom like the last 16 years that WWE gave us). Thank you Lucha Underground for that 40 years old fan having fun watching again, for a while.

On the other end, Taya vs Ivelisse was much better than I expected, good brawl between the two. I've grown to love Taya, no one wears Berzerker's boots like she does, and I find her rodent little teeth adorable. Plus you can see she's got strong basics (gotta credit Lance Storm I guess). The ending saw the sexiest run-in ever. Well, not run-in, rather, Catrina appeared like Sabu (yeah, fuck anyone who doesn't love this) to deliver the greatest lick of death she's done thus far. Hey, more of this shit in Season Three, I'm fucking there.

The trios match was a really fun opener for the Ultima Lucha Dos. However, I thought the whole Black Lotus debut felt flat, as it basically was used as a backdrop for Pentagon Dark showing up. I guess the whole Black Lotus vs Angel Azteca Jr. feud will happen in Season Three now. Better do something special with it, as this has been built forever. She seems like a fine worker, but hard to judge on just what was done there. They don't give a fuck about gender anymore I guess. Good for them. Pentagon Dark vs Matanza was a good little match, but nothing spectacular and comapred to the previous Matanza title defense and considering this was the title match on the final show, I'd call it a minor disapointment for not being an over the top bloody brawl, which I expected. Still, good match. Matanza has been a total success to me, which I didn't expect. The guy wouldn't fare well in WWE because of his size, call it the Tazz-syndrome, but in this setting, he's quite the monster.

The Gft of the Gods match was a fun clusterfuck which really got together in the last stage, with Sexy Star facing her old enemies Mariposa and his creep brother Marty. I'm not a big fan of Star, I don't find her work compelling at all (not even that good to be honest) and the character in itself leaves me cold, but you gotta dmit they did a much better job with her in term of feminism and not giving a shit about gender than WWE's transparent "Diva revolution" this year. Marty & Mariposa did work well with her at the end, making a single punch mean more than any big spot you can think of. Mil Muertes gets another one under his belt. Although less crazy than some of his big matches, this deathmatch (really a garbage brawl) with Cuerno was very good, with a quicker, more "babyface"-like Muertes. Tha shall not fuck with Catrina, I guess is what you should get out of this match. One lucky bastard in teh front row ended up with the hottest woman in wrestling on his lap. One thing I really like about LU is that they treat death spots as such and not just vehicules to get cheap pops. When a guy gets destroyed, it's for good. Also, I guess Mr. Cisco's contract with LU wasn't renewed for Season 3.

The two first garbage match of Ultima Lucha were insanely fun. This is ECW mixed with IWA Japan mixed with the LU pulp taste. That bar fight was ridiculous in a good way. Gotta love how beer spilled on the floor played a role in the ending of the first match too. After that, the final was kinda anticlimatic and too clean, but they worked it the way they should in that they were already spent. The surprise was neat I guess, but I'm not too sure what they'll do with a 50 year old guy in the future. Dario is a wonderful asshole.

Because it's a two hour tribute show to a guy who brutally murdered his wife and kid ? And that's it's totally offensive and hurtful to the living relatives ?

Very seldom do I think comedy in modern pro-wrestling is actually funny. Yet, this bit made me legit laugh. You have Gilberti wearing a leprechaun costume, following the loss of a "humiliation match" against Pat Kenney & Sonny Siaki, arguing with David Young (who has been a legit funny guy to watch for months as Gilberti's flunky) while Swinger, wearing a cliché female samoan outfit, complete with coconut bras, is flexing is muscles, Lex Luger style, in the forefont. The real fun part, aside from the good comedic timing of both Gilberti and Young, is that no one ever adresses the fact Swinger seems to enjoy himself quite a bit in this outfit, including regularly fixing his bras. He's playing it totally straight too, without an once of wink-wink irony, which makes the whole thing the funniest bit I've seen in quite a while.

Who doesn't want to watch that awkward (as in "Something's fucked up, guys") Regal tribute again ?

Usual non-finish ? All X-div matches had finishes at this point, it's totally an exception to the rule here. What is also an exception to the rule since AJ got his belt back, is that this match just isn't very good. Hardy looks sloppy, and the six-sided ring excuse doesn't fly, he always looked sloppy anyway. AJ had memorable matches with about everybody in TNA (with the exception of some bad Double J Specials and Ron Killings, who's a shitty worker) and this isn't one of them. Hardy sure brings "name recognition" as the heat it terrific, with dueling chants which were welcome as I would hate people forgetting about their ace AJ just because a WWE guy shows up. He doesn't bring much more though. When you got execution machines like Sabin, Kazarian, Dutt and even guys like Michael Shane, not to mention great workers like Chris Daniels, Hardy just look bigger and sloppy. Sure was a nice addition to the roster as far as "star-power" went (although he really was not a star in WWE at this point, way before his main event stint and after the ladder stunt shows were kinda forgotten at this point), but as far as work goes, he's in the low tier of the promotion judging on this match alone. Sure has a lot do to gain stock with me. AJ was ace though, acting a little annoyed and flying around the big goof (yeah, Hardy looks big here, because he's actually a rather tall guy). I'm pretty sure Kid Kash would have looked better.

Fuck yes. Dario is ridiculously great. The bit with the women, especially once Catrina did her disappearing act, was total pulp. And pretty much agree with everything said about the matches too. Ultima Lucha is gonna be so much fun to watch. This Season Two has been twice as fun as Season One.

You totally don't make me want to check that out.

Renting video tapes ? It sure is.

Of course he does. Because they didn't had any in 1999, which was the best year ever in pro-wrestling thanks to his genius.

You almost make me want to check that out.

D.O.A. Because the Attitude era was also about Brian Lee & the Harris boyz feuding with LOD 2000. (and before that, of course, those immortal matches against the Boricuas, aka "let's totally ruin four good PR workers" and the Nation)

Wow. Sucking at his job in WWE really paid off then.

Who the fuck is Jonathan Coachman anyway ?

Fingers crossed and fuck the crab ! Babyface comeback incoming ! Hang in there !

AJ Styles vs Kazarian (X Division title - TNA 06/09/04) WIth the debut of Impact, TNA seems to give a brand new focus to the X division with AJ Style as the new ace, which is a smart decision. By making the X-div title "as important" as the world title (this was the main-event of the first PPV post Impact) with their best worker and former world champ as the ace, it gives a lot of credibility to the part of the product that is very distinctive from WWE. The six-sided ring was also an idea, if nothing else, and the announcers did a good job explaining how it changed the in-ring strategy (more difficult to get to the ropes, more sides to create offense etc...). Kazarian has come a long way since his horrible stint in 2003, working heel helped, but he also paces himself a lot more and does less stupid flippy-floppy sequences. His execution and selling is better too. Excellent match, with AJ dominating the first part with better speed and better understanding of his opponent's mistakes until Kazarian took the upper hand with one of his trademark spot which requires a dubious setup (the slingshot DDT, here on the apron which looked brutal), but they did they best to make it look good. They kinda lost the crowd during a Kazarian resthold and never got them back, which is too bad since they showed good pacing and selling of the exhaustion. Worked kinda japanese style toward the end, with stiff offense. They never went overboard with finisher kickouts either. Really nice work overall, with tons of snappy and spectacular offense, which is what the X-div is supposed to be about. The finish was totally blown though, with AJ overshooting his dive, Kazarian seemingly kicking out and the ref still counting three. Totally confusing, looked like crap and really ruined the end of what was an excellent match. Still, Kazarian showed a lot of improvement and AJ Styles as the ace of the X div brings both credibility and promises of excellent matches to come. Well, with Kid Kash (and Dies... Dallas) attacking him post-match, maybe not so much.

Lame. And funny.

I'll give you my professional point of view on how bad it is when I get to watch it.

Except it's Petiot. Which is not as easy to pronounce for foreign speaker. io = eeo. As far as Benoit goes, they usually got the "oit" part allright, since "wah" does the trick. But the "Ben" was never ever pronounced right. Sounded like Bènoit. Which doesnt exist.

The Lady Balls era. (yeah, Stephy's "feminism")