**UPDATE**

 

Applications are all turned in, so now I'm waiting on phone calls to get some job interviews. *crosses fingers*

 

Also, this week, hopefully on Thursday because that's the day they have the longest hours, I hope to go to the license branch and get my driver's permit. Right now we have three people with different schedules all using one car, so I might have to get a ride from a friend.

 

It's tough to get out of the "comfort zone."

You know, it's ironic that you changed your avatar to Eeyore, since one of my best friends is a Winnie the Pooh freak and in hight school she used to say I reminded her of Eeyore.

 

It sucks not having a job, I haven't worked since 2006 began, and I'm feeling like a fucking bum right now. I have like 3 agencies looking for me and they haven't found shit in 2 months now. If I don't find something in the next two weeks, my car payment's not getting made. I'm getting married later in the year and it bothers me my fiancee's working and I'm sitting on my ass all day. Well I'm not just sitting on my ass, but I feel like I do since I don't have a job. I'm collecting unemployment which pays some of the bills and buys food, but it's less than half what I was making at my last job.

 

If I were you, I'd look at maybe community colleges in your area. I'm sure they have a web site or at least a brochure on what they offer. I did that when I got tired of the retail bullshit, and I enjoyed it.

 

Also, about the weight thing, I'm a big dude too, you might have a thyroid problem. know I had a cousin who was pushing 350, she found out her thyroid wasn't working right and the last time I saw her she dropped like 100 pounds.

Well, after reading that in its entirety, I don't how to say anything to you without it coming off as speaking down to you, so...I don't know. Would you cheer up if I went through some of my problems?

 

Let's see, I have no motivation to go back to college. I'm two years through, but I royally fucked up when it came to the scholarships I had. I had no motivation in school to do anything but to write, which I fucked up too because I thought I was above the other students in my course (and to be honest, I truly was). Even with the gifts I'm given, I'm naturally going to screw it up. Life, while on "temporary" hiatus from school, revolves around work, which I mildly enjoy, and my room. My entire town lives vicariously through me, so when I say I'm going back to school "soon", they make it a point to ask me every week until I will eventually snap. Fuck.

 

I don't fucking know what it is with me. I have the motivation to absolutely cream everyone in the real world - at every job I've had, they've promoted me to places that they'd never give to a kid my age. My references are immaculate. They'd recommend me for anything I'd apply to. But I'm a goddamn failure when it came to school. The only reason I'm bothered by my "lack" of education is that the girl of my dreams - the girl I'm supposed to marry and live with - is now a college graduate. And she's waiting for me. What the fuck AM I doing?

 

I've got much, much worse to divulge - inherited financial problems, etc. - but I don't know if Coffey wants to hear that. What we have in common, my friend, is that we need a swift kick in the ass to get going. Look at what you do have. God. The ability to say "no drugs and alcohol". We have that in common as well. What you have to do now is to dig yourself out of your rut, even if it takes baby steps. You may not have a goal right now, but it's important to set yourself for anything. Start with an education. Do you think you can balance a job and community college? What about just a job via public transportation, while improving your day-to-day health? Read your post over again and ask yourself the tough questions. It will lead to some answers you may want.

One thing you have to remember is that EVERYONE, regardless of where they've been, where they are or what they've been through, has easy excuses at their disposal. Life experience provides them all the time. In that event, you're not special.

 

If you believe in God, respect his creation a little more by respecting yourself enough to assert your independence and take care of yourself. I'm sure your parents are very loving people to continue supporting you at the age of 24, but you can't let them keep doing that, especially when they're drowning in problems of their own. If you love them, you'll stop bringing them down. If you respect them, you'll find an apartment in the next month and sleep on a friend's couch until you get things sorted out.

 

Community college is one option. Having *any* vocational or trade experience is another. You post a lot on message boards, so obviously you know how to type. Get a haircut, put on your best clothes and go to a temp agency and explain that you have no experience, but that you do have a certain amount of basic computer skills, which translates to basic office skills. If you have enough slacks and shirts with collars to get you through one week of work, when you get your first check, buy more clothes and keep going from there. You will eventually find yourself maybe not thriving, but surviving on your own. And you'll feel much better about yourself for it.

 

As for being fat, plenty of fat people are capable of taking care of themselves. I work with a guy your size who is by far the best in the department at what he does. Nice guy, total professional. Don't let it be an excuse. If it's stopping you from doing anything you want to do, lose it. If not, fuck anyone who has a problem with it.

 

The first thing you could do for yourself is make a list of the things you'd like to accomplish in the next 12 months and then create a plan for how you're going to accomplish those things. If you're going on the job hunt, expect to be asked questions like, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Having an answer to that question is very important.

 

Never forget that people have come from much worse situations than you're in and turned their lives around. It can be done.

I'm not sure where to begin. I can't preach about jobs, since aside from some summer jobs, the only gigs I've had have been working on the college paper and selling on eBay. I will say this: you're 24. Not 34. Not 44. You may have accomplished nothing in your 24 years in this world, but who's to say it always has to be like that?

 

The truth is, the longer you let things go unchanged, the worse they're going to get. My suggestions are this:

 

- Get a job: Seriously. You'll never have references or past work experience if you don't. Simple as that. Just get something going. Your folks won't always be around to put a roof over your head. Best to get used to doing some things for yourself now. I'm a sarcastic person, too, but that can't be an excuse as to why you don't have a job. At your age, if you aren't in school, then there's no reason not to be working 40 hours a week.

 

- Exercise: It's great you started, but you need to stick with it. What is the typical Coffey day? I'm sure you can squeeze an hour in there where you do something physical. Go for a walk at least. I was a big guy too, so I know that being fat contributes to a sense of apathy. It's not enough to just want to change something. Gotta do it, too. Trust me, once you get exercising and stay with it, you'll feel better and may be motivated to do more.

 

- Eat better: You prove why diets are stupid. Few people have the strength to make serious changes to their diet and stay with it. I've never dieted. It's all about making modifications. I don't drink pop unless there's nothing else. These days, it's rare if I eat red meat more than once in a week, if that. Get some veggies and fruit into your diet. Yeah, it's tough to do it when your friends want to go out and eat. Let's face it, that's fun. Not many people want to invite you over to hang out and eat steamed vegetables. But sacrifices need to be made.

 

- Go to school: Financial problems really isn't an excuse with financial aid around. I know people who more or less get paid to go to school. Even if you don't know what you want to do, just take some classes. Good way to find out and at the same time, you'll be doing something more with your days.

 

So yeah, you're in a pretty lousy position and it'd take a strong person not to just give up. But is this really the way you want to live the rest of your life? It's not easy to make these changes, but they're really the only ways to not wake up 10 or 15 years from now and realize you've thrown away your life.

I think your parents need to shoulder some of the blame here. The fact that they still let you live at home without forcing you to get a job and help out with the finances isn't helping you at all. I don't know why your brother lets them spend his money on you, either, there's no way in hell I'd let that happen with one of my brothers if they were in your situation.

 

And getting a job really isn't all that hard. I have a decent paying job working in a factory that I got just from sending my resume into an agency. I think I lucked into it a bit, but there wasn't a whole lot of effort involved on my part aside from a little bit of typing.

 

So, yeah, get a job. Just getting a job should help with your health, anyway. For me, personally, being on my feet a lot helped me shed a few pounds (the fact that it was like a sauna in the summer there helped a bit, too).

Coffey, When I say you remind me of a certain somebody its not an insult. Jus like yknow who youve had a disgusting amount of bullshit youve encountered in your life, a good amount of which seems to be your fault. Now jus like him, its time you man up and do something about it.

 

Im gonna second Brusier Chongs question, what does a typical Coffey day consists of? WHY is your life like this? You need to evaluate your situation, and take steps towards improving yourself. For you, your family, friends, and future. Nobody wants a fat, umemployed bitter kid douchebagging his way through life. You need to find reasons to motivate you to succeed. You gotta get all up in lifes face and accept any challenges it throws your way...AND dont be deterred when life slaps the shit out of you and your plans fall through. There are NO gurantees in the world we live in. Youre gonna have to try again. Dont be a bitch.

 

 

-Youre fat and you dont have a car. Sounds like one cancels the other out to me. You dont need a car to get through life, Its a huge plus but you can get by without one. You do that by walking. Everywhere. Thatll will provide you with some intial exercise. It wont be enough, but its a very small and easy thing to do. Especially if youre a lil on the lazy side. Then you can get into the gym. Do cardio and some lifting. Hell, if less than say a 15 inute drive away you can walk there. You can also do situps/crunchs and push ups at your house. You spend alot of time on the computer, search for some safe and healthy workouts. Try askmen.com for example. While your out walking, look for a job.

 

You dont have a job and youre a shitty employee. Once again use your computer to findd jobs in your area. Go to the fucking library and read a newspaper. Network. Networking is the number one way people find jobs in america. Ask people who like you if they know some place you can work. Try a Job Training Agency. There are places that will higher you. Restaurants are a good start. Fast food will employ anyone if theyre desperate enough. Casual and fine dining restarurants are good too. You may not have cooking experience but you can be a dish washer or a busboy. If established places wont higher you (which they prolly will) you can try a new place jus opening, they always overload witl employees cause they know some wont work out. Dont be one of those. You already have experience in hte business. Let them know that youve been stupid in the past and youre looking to make changes in your life. Or dont mention it to them in the interview. People love an inspirational underdog story. Youre jus trying to better yourself. Theres usually hot girls working in these places too. If you can get a job with a chain restaurant (applebees, bennigans etc) you might get benefits or something. You can get a job with other chains too. Like retail stores or grocery stoeres. When you do get a job, remember two things. You need a paycheck, youve come from poverty and you dont wanna go back . Youve seen what it can do to people. You wanna help youre parents pay the bills. Then do so, youre 24 and you live at home? Tell them its liek "rent money". For the mortgage. Two, you got to the point where your life was so attrocious you wrote about it on a internet message board.

 

Youre not in school. Go to school. I dont have a tirade for this one. Community College isnt that bad. Take a look at their brochure/website. Youre alreadyonline all the time. You can easily take a couple of classes. Ones that interest you. Itll keep you motivated to keep going back. Therell be hot girls there too. An associates degree (or vocational degree) is better than no degree. Vocational school might be good for you. Cars maybe. Then you can work on your familys automobole problems. People who work on cars make good money. You could get a detailing certification even. If you have trouble gettting to school and its way out of walking distance then take city transportation. Bus, Train whatever. Youll have money from your job, so you can pay for it. Cause you WILL be working. Youre poor you should be able to get financial aid for your education. Alot of times you get money BACK. The goverment sees it as "paying for living expenses" Any money that you do spend on it, you can get back on taxes, next year.

 

Check with your loacl goverment, Joshua Coffey. Red Cross, Community Action Agency, whatever. Is there a homeless shelter or social services around you. Call them. They can help you with everything you mentioned, or connect you with someone who can. EVERYTHING you mentioned. Some helath departments and CCAs can help you with medical treatment or pharmacy assistance. Job Training and Job placement should help if your solo job search doesnt work.

 

 

You also mentioned God. Go to church. They can help you. Theyll listen. Its what they do. Whatever you do, dont be deterred. Youve always struck me as an alright dude, dont waste your potential. Good luck and let us know what happens.

I feel like chiming in, if Coffey doesn't mind.

 

First off, Coffey reminds me of where I was back in the summer of 1997. I had graduated from high school at the time and was well on to my way to university. Should've been a natural high. It wasn't. Many of my friends from high school were either going out of town for the next several years or just flat-out taking a total opposite direction from where I was going. My grades REALLY declined during high school and quite frankly, I felt like a flukely squeaked into university. Grad night, which fell on my 19th birthday oddly enough, was very fun, but my heart sank the following day when I found out a high school friend who was a year younger than me had passed away as a result of a canoeing accident. At that point, I also never had a real job (which is something Coffey has one up on me on) and was going to have to pay my way through school on my own, which really caused stress. Honestly, university was something I REALLY wasn't looking forward to, and to make matters worse, I felt useless because for the summer, I sat on my ass pretty much. If it weren't for Bret Hart and the Hart Foundation on WWF RAW every week (I'm Canadian, so that angle naturally rocked my world), it would've been a summer to entirely forget.

 

Things changed in August of that summer when a dishwashing ad for the local golf course popped into the newspaper, and, as cheesy as this sounds, I became determined to be the best dishwasher ever, because at least it was a start. Things really started going uphill too, as shortly after that, I finally got the first part of my driver's licence after failing my test twice (I live in Ontario, and there's this thing called graduated licensing). Not only was my job good, but they also kept me around during the winter months, which is rare for a lot of staff at a golf course, to basically help keep the place well and all. University started rough (in fact, I don't even want to talk too much about the first two years of it) but from the third year onward, I began to find my passion with my schooling, especially when I started being offered teaching assistant jobs, which caused me to think that I was on my way to becoming a teacher. It never turned out that way, but all of a sudden, I felt some direction. I hit a roadblock, like we all do, in the summer of 2000, when I got fired from the golf course when I made it no secret that I hated the management that had taken over the place and pretty much made it known that I thought they treated the staff like shit and had no idea how to run a golf course either. However, at the end of my 4th year, at the start of the summer of 2001, I wound up getting employed for the Government of Canada, at the same agency I'm still at today. At the very same time, my marks rose incredibly in the last 2 1/2 years of my school, and I graduated successfully with honours. Today, I'm currently permanent in the government, just recently got my full driver's licence (see, I can still put things off too), and recently bought my first home. Not bad for a 27-year-old guy who thought he was totally useless some 8 years ago or so.

 

The point being, Coffey, without trying to toot my own horn too much, is that none of this came instantly. I know exactly how you're feeling right now and how you don't know which way to turn right now. You describe yourself as "ungrateful, unmotivated, and directionless". I think those words summed up my old situation to a T as well. You need to do something, but take baby steps. You have a strong belief in God, so I'll back up everything people have said and suggest that you to turn to the church, because they'll help you psychologically and on top of that, you might be able to get some volunteer work, which can help trigger something in your life. The really nice thing about volunteer work is that you can also juggle it with a job, and believe me, employers like someone who has things going on in their life. Therefore, taking one thing at a time, go apply to a temp agency after talking to the church and maybe getting some volunteer work. Regarding your shape and size, I'll agree with what Loss said and say that if it isn't preventing you from doing anything or isn't hurting you health-wise, then nuts to anyone who has a problem with it. On the other hand, if you want to do something about it for you, and you only, I suggest starting off slow, maybe spend a half an hour to an hour just going for a walk and make it entertaining, by bringing an iPod or discman with you. It'll help relax you and make you feel good. The driving thing? Well I don't need to tell you it took me a while with that, and I still don't own a car (that'll change this year, I think), so my advice is to shoot for your licence, but don't rush towards buying a car, because quite frankly, owning one or driving one constantly isn't the be-all and end-all. Amongst all the short-term stuff mentioned, check out community colleges if the big-time schools aren't your cup of tea (nothing wrong with that). More importantly, and you'll time for this, so don't rush things, find your passion! I suggest thinking about something like that when you go for a walk. Your head will wander, and sometimes, that's the best thing when it comes to thinking about stuff like that. Oh, and be thankful for your family. Sure, relying on them isn't the ideal situation, but thank them, and tell them that you want to turn your life around.

 

You're only 24, though, and there's so many doors still very open for you. Don't panic, because there's no need to, and it'll hurt you more. I think by opening up, you've accomplished a big step and because you were so honest about this, I really, really want to see you succeed. You have many positives, though, as you're a strong typer, a strong believer in God and very moral too, you do come across as a nice person, etc. The way I see it, it's an opportunity to add more positives to your life. I really hope you succeed Coffey, and you kick ass like only Coffey can!

 

Now turn that frown upside down, Eeyore!

Since we're going on a week since this was posted, I'd like to know, was this just some sort of self-loathing manifesto or are there plans to get something in some area going? I can understand that if you needed to map out the areas of your life you aren't happy with as a reference point on what needs to be fixed, but I would that you plan on taking action in some capacity. Posting this massive thing and leaving it at that would be foolish.

 

I don't mean to come off sounding like an ass here, but everyone who's posted in this thread has gone into great detail on what you could or should be doing. Hopefully you utilize this.

 

I'll finish by saying that the mental aspect is what's holding you back. I'm guilty of this at times, but none of the stuff you talked about is beyond repair. It just means action on your part. From the sounds of it, it's not outside factors that have landed you where you are right now, it's an internal conflict.

 

You don't have your license because you haven't made the initiative. I was 18 by time I got mine. Driving isn't that difficult, nor are the tests if you know where to go. Having my mom be the one to teach me to drive led to me almost being afraid to get behind the wheel. She was uptight and tough to drive with, but at the end of the day, it was still my mental block that kept me from even trying to get my license in the two years I was eligible to get it.

 

I figured that since I didn't have a car and really didn't drive that much, there was no need to get it right away. When I started college, I needed to drive there three days a week. Not having a license suddenly became an issue. It was just a matter of me scheduling an appointment, showing up, toughing it out and making it through the test. I was a novice driver at best back then. If you look in the right place, it's easy to get the license.

 

So while things like a solid idea of what you wanna do with your life and losing weight will take a longterm investment, things like getting a job and your license are really just a matter of breaking past the mental block and taking action.

Here goes.

 

Get a copy of the Sunday paper and go to the job listings. Go through every job that requires no experience or you think you're capable of doing. Once 9 am Monday morning hits you start calling those places to apply or you immediately go to their websites to fill out an application. Now you're going to get rejected a lot since you've never had a job before but eventually someone will see potential in you or be desperate to fill the position and you're in. Now you won't solve this problem over night. It'll probably take weeks of getting the paper and calling places. If all else fails call the newspaper about paper routes. It doesn't pay much but it's a few hundred dollars a month for about 90 minutes work a day plus you'll get exercise. Also ask everyone you know if they've seen a help wanted sign somewhere or if they know of jobs. A lot of people find out about jobs through word of mouth.

 

As for losing weight. I'm a heavy guy and I usually stay in the range of 200-220 but I ballooned up to 280 due to various reasons over the last few years. In August I started walking 40 minutes a day, switched to diet soda and made some other changes to my eating habits and I've lost 40 lbs. since then. It's not hard to do, you just have to find what works for you and stick with it.

Actually, yeah, I have been filling out applications and shit this weekend and plan on turning them in tomorrow. I didn't want to turn them in on a Friday.

 

Also, the God comment was taken way too seriously. I believe in God but I don't mold my life about religion or church or anything like that. I just don't want to go to hell for suicide.

I read this yesterday and gave my self the night to think over it... I haven't been on these boards as long as the evil one who signed me up (CJ) but I'd still like to chuck my unworthy two cents in.

 

It sounds like you're looking for an attitude change and I hope for your sake it happens. I definitely agree with most of the advice everyone on here has chucked at you (walk more, find a job, do something, don't give up) and I want to say that you definitely should not expect it to happen over night. Almost nothing happens over night. Your attitude may change over night but you'll have to keep your new attitude on you all the time.

 

I'm assuming you want to change your attitude and your way of viewing life.

 

I think that's a huge step for a lot of people. Understanding that to get from where you are to where you want to be, you have to start with a step. Who knows what will happen until you try. I know it looks like you've worked out every scenario in your head but until you try something, you'll never really know what can happen. It's like chess. No matter how well you map out your next move and your opponents next move-- scratch that. It's like magic (something I used to play like mad, from beta to 4th edition anyways, that we can both relate to). No matter how small you've made your deck and how powerful your cards are, you never know what card you'll pull next. You can increase your chances (like with most things in life) but you never really know. Sometimes you get a good hand and sometimes you get a bad hand. What do you do after you lose a game? Play again! Not just because it's fun but because you still have a chance to win. Just like everyone else.

 

I've taken the analogy and run with it.

 

I gotta get back to work but I'll definitely pray for you (and I mean actually spend time praying to God for you, not typing it here and going to sleep on it) and hope you find some open doors.

If I can take this thread to the lighter side of things, I think that Coffey made a big step changing his avatar from Eeyore to Hollywood Hogan. There's not a more positive person in the world than Hogan. Even if he's going through tough times, he'll lie to you and say he's on Cloud 9, just because.

 

What they all said...sorry, just not the kind of guy to be a pep talk motivator. I do hope you change for the better and it sounds like you're aiming for that, so good luck.

Coffey

 

-Do you have one of the MVAs manuals so you can study for the written/computer test?

 

-Whats up with your drivers ed?

 

as far as the job goes....did I read that correctly? YOU are waiting for THEM to call you? UH UH! After about a week, you need to call them. Tell them you put an application in and youre interested in talking to a manager about it or coming in for an interview...or whatever. You calling them puts you ahead of other people whove applied and makes it seem like you really wanna work for them. Itll also get you into one of these places faster. If it doesnt get you into any of these place at all, then put in more applications. Whom ever hires you, you can get to work quicker and then get things moving faster.

 

When you call these places make sure not to call them during a busy time. For example if its a restaurant, dont call them in the middle of lunch. They wont talk to you cause thell be busy and thell think youre an asshole for calling them at an inoppurtune time.

This will also show inititiative and persistence on your part, two things that potential employers like.