March 24, 201510 yr Author comment_5660388 Heenan was constantly being asked about people in airports. What a strange concept.
March 25, 201510 yr comment_5660563 "You know the sound a dishwasher makes when it's about to kick off? That's the sound they just made." -Bobby Heenan during the Sting v Rude match on Spring Stampede '94. It's a weird thing to say, but he wasn't wrong. Heenan was ridiculous in the best possible way.
March 25, 201510 yr comment_5660585 Always loved those airport quotes, I'm a mark for anything that makes wrestling seem bigger than it really is. I'm also a fan of people at the water cooler talking about having Viscera in their Royal Rumble office pool. Shit I've never seen in real life. It's ridiculous and I love it.
June 7, 201510 yr comment_5673772 "Precarious is a very precarious word." Dusty Rhodes during Faces of Fear vs RnR Express 11/2/96
June 9, 201510 yr comment_5674287 "You know, watching this young, uh, I should say watching Mike Jackson..."- Gordon Solie, Worldwide 6/29/1991
June 27, 201510 yr comment_5681705 Schiavone and Zbyszko, the early days (Pro 8/31/1991): "Now look at Bill Kazmeier, would you not call that a defecation (sic) of the American flag?" "Well Larry, it's just on the man's tights!" "It IS the man's tights!" "Let me tell you another old Polish proverb: Ability will never catch up to the demand for it. I don't believe much in computers, because I think this whole generation of robotized sheep has sold their souls to a little green TV monitor." ... "So you don't think the computer has done all that much for Terrence Taylor." "I don't think the computer has done that much for mankind. But in Terrence Taylor's case it may actually have helped. ... I think they should all be blown up. But then what would this generation of wimps do? They'd have to learn." "Well, I'm not here to debate the validity of computers."
July 1, 201510 yr comment_5682481 I myself am horrified that I laughed at this, especially now. I guess it was out of its sheer audacity: "Before Dusty Rhodes' daddy was a plumber, he worked as a shoe salesman. And he was so successful at running his shoe store, that to this day in Austin, Texas, when people think of black loafers, they think of Dusty Rhodes' father." --Jim Cornette, early 1988
July 16, 201510 yr comment_5685112 "Will the woman who left her kids at Shea Stadium please return to pick them up? They're beating the Mets 6 to 1" - Jerry Lawler in a pre-match promo at Madison Square Garden Art Donovan: "Who's this guy coming to the ring with Diesel?" Gorilla Monsoon: "That's the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels" Art Donovan: "Oh...is he a wrestler too?" "Ha! All those years in the Army and he only made it to Corporal!" - Bobby The Brain Heenan upon being told that Cpl. Kirchner is wrestling on this week's episode of Prime Time Wrestling Vince McMahon: "This week we are coming to you from Fresno, California: the SHIP-building capital of the world!" Jesse Ventura: (laughing) "I don't think I heard that correctly. Can you repeat that?" Vince McMahon: "Fresno, California: the SHIP-building capital of the world. What did you think I said?" Jesse Ventura: "Nevermind" (with a giant SHIT-eating grin on his face)
July 17, 201510 yr comment_5685329 "Bill Dundee you're out here calling me a tall drink of water! What does that make you, a sip?" - 'Hollywood' John Tatum
July 19, 201510 yr comment_5685813 Larry Z, who has sadly stopped commentating to go full time in the ring, interrupts the Brickhouse Bonus, Pro 10/19/91:"Hey Jack, whaddya know! You can still read the old prompter!""Hello Larry, good to see you, I'm glad you were able to make bail."Nowhere near as dark of an old man joke as Paul E's unusually brutal rag on Solie the previous week during a show intro:"...and, Gordon Solie is alive and well this morning--can you believe it? On the Power Hour!"
August 4, 201510 yr comment_5690131 Jeff G. Bailey's promo from Wildside #107 when he becomes owner of the company: "I know some people are gonna say, 'Well, Jeff, what do you know about wrestling?' Well, when you've done what I've done, which is winning acquittals for rapists, murderers, and child-molesting drug dealers, you've come into contact with all the same kind of people you're gonna see in professional wrestling." & "I've been studying other owners in professional wrestling and I know to be great that I've got to follow in their footsteps. I know that I have to be kind and caring and considerate to all my wrestlers, just like Cowboy Bill Watts. I understand that there is no sacrifice too great for this business, just like Fritz Von Erich. And just like Herb Abrams, I know that there's nobody more important than the owner, and that's me."
August 27, 201510 yr comment_5695213 "You people want to know where is the beef? Well here is the beef! All the beef you can handle!"
August 27, 201510 yr comment_5695244 Random WWF MSG show from late '91. Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan and Lord Al Hayes are on commentary. Now clearly Hayes is out of his league here, and better yet, he knows it. Heenan is a whirlwind, putting over and putting down everybody who's name is even mentioned. So his Lordship quickly fades into the background and says next to nothing of note for the entire show. During one particularly boring match, Hayes goes silent for at least ten minutes. I mean, he says NOTHING, to the point that you forget he's even there. McMahon calls a move or something and then finishes the thought with, "You alive over there Alfred?". The pure randomness combined with McMahon's clear annoyance that Hayes is doing jack shit was enough to crack me up. But Hayes tops it, as he INSTANTLY pipes up with a very enthusiastic "Yes, indeed!", to which McMahon sardonically replies, "Well, that's good." Al then proceeds to go off on a two minute rant about the match while Heenan and McMahon stand by in stunned silence. Pure genius.
August 31, 201510 yr comment_5696104 That's terrific. Hayes always seemed like a guy who could talk literally nonstop if he had to. "Well you know Big Josh, coming up Sunday March 1st at 3 PM in the UIC Pavilion, we're gonna beat up Mr. Hughes and Vinnie Vegas--Vinnie Vegas? Man, that sounds like something out of Las Vegas!" - Ron Simmons is less than revelatory, WCW Pro Chicago 2/8/92. The card actually sounds great, topped by Sting/Rude in a cage, Abby vs Cactus (which naturally didn't happen), Windham vs Zbyszko "one fall death match," and Rhodes/Steiners vs Eaton/Arn/Austin elimination match. Zbyszko gets political on Todd Champion, Worldwide 2/15/92: "Let me tell you something about Chumpion. This kid is a victim. Chumpion, you are being used by the Dangerous Alliance as just another example that the DA mean exactly what we say. This kid is suffering from delusions of grandeur. He thinks he's still a Desert Storm fighter, he thinks he still a hero reverend by the people of America. Jerk, nobody cares because they don't have any jobs! You think they care about you? You're gonna find out how much they care about you when the Cruncher is rubbing your face from one corner of that mat to the other! Son, I've forgotten more wrestling moves than you're ever going to know running around the desert eating some kind of a sand bug. Because you, punk, are in the ring with the heaviest member of the DA! The top thug of an extremely Dangerous Alliance! Jerk." Their match is surprisingly watchable and easily gets the Full Worldwide Point.
September 29, 20159 yr comment_5701274 Heenan was constantly being asked about people in airports. What a strange concept. That reminds of one of the early Nitro's when he used the airport line, and said the pilot asked him if Sting could trust Luger. "I said 'Hey Sky-King, you just fly this plane. Let Sting worry about Luger.' "
November 21, 20159 yr comment_5711131 Flair, 9/7/85: "...what's causin' all this? You're talkin' intensified beef products, 100% all man, Ric Flair."
November 8, 20168 yr comment_5774809 There's one from Jim Ross at the Royal Rumble '97 that I remember from watching it live and watching it today I still get a kick out of it, after Lawler asks him if he takes pleasure in the misfortunes of others: "Selectively, yes".
December 13, 20168 yr comment_5778595 Jesse and Tony, WCW Worldwide 11/20/93: JESSE: He almost reminded me of Dan Gable. You know who Dan Gable is, right? TONY: Of course I do, he was a great amateur wrestler. JESSE: Okay, where was he from? Do you know that? TONY: He was from, hold on...Bagwell up and over Orndorff now...he was from Ohio. JESSE: OHIO? Well it's a good thing I'm here to correct everything you say. He was from Iowa, not Ohio. Iowa. TONY: Iowa, Ohio, they're all the same to me. ... TONY: You know, in spite of what you think Jess, you don't need a strong amateur background to succeed in this business--and you're a prime example of that!
December 19, 20168 yr comment_5779309 "Stomp him Ronnie!" "Yeah! just like that" "Look at that chest all red and bruised" "Sugarhold seperates the Men from the Boys Tony" "Make him suffer Ronnie, tie him up" "Now he he's got him haha" "Oh yes I like it" "Lights out!" David Crockett during a Ron Garvin squash on TBS
February 4, 20178 yr comment_5787129 "I've dealt with Terry Taylor in the past, I know how cocky he can be." - Bobby Heenan, WCW Saturday Night debut, 1/29/94
May 28, 20178 yr comment_5802155 "There's a difference between queering off and getting your needs met on the road." -Luke Gallows as Sex Ferguson
June 15, 20178 yr comment_5803856 Gordon Solie: "This Miss Linda is like Charles Bronson in Tough Times. She's a ringer."
August 6, 20178 yr comment_5809829 Arn Anderson quote I heard years ago circa 1990 "I gotta get laid. I got enough cum to shampoo a buffalo."
November 3, 20186 yr comment_5870634 "He looks like his mom dropped him off at the wrong building for karate school and he decided to stay AND FIGHT GROWN MEN!" - Excalibur on Mike Bailey
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