Posted April 25, 200520 yr comment_1844315 I've been pondering something, and I thought I'd throw it out here to see what you folks would do: My best friend since kindergarden is now living in El Paso since he's a Specialist in the Army. We were the kind of friend where other people thought we were brothers (which in retrospect was kinda dumb since we were in the same class and obviously not twins). Fast forward a few years, and despite having some WB teen soap opera level drama happen, we were still pretty close friends. Then he got married. Don't get me wrong, his wife's not a bad person, but she's completely taken over his life. She's paranoid about my girlfriend (due to the above mentioned drama) tothe point where my friend had to basically sneak around in order to go to any function we both would be at. My friend joined the Army a couple of years ago, and I really haven't talked to him since he came home almost 2 years ago. He came home over Christmas in 2003, but that's when my girlfriend's dad died so obviously I missed him then. I've run into mutual friends of ours since then and they always say he's going to email me, but this guy's always been notorious for not checking his email. I used to bust his balls that nine times out of ten I would email him something then end up telling him what it was since he took so damn long to check it. Now to the question at hand: His wife is a pokemon fanatic, and she opened up a message board on her website. My friend posts there, and I'm debating if I should sign up just to try to re-establish some sort of contact with the guy. I don't know dick about Pokemon, nor do I care to, but I really would like to get back in contact with the guy. I mean fuck, I've known the guy since I was 5 years old, I'd hate for things to just fade out and die like he was just a dude I went to college with. So what would you guys do if you had a friend you lost touch with, but had to go into a completely alien environment to re-establish ties?
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1844628 So what would you guys do if you had a friend you lost touch with, but had to go into a completely alien environment to re-establish ties? My ex-girlfriend died two years ago, after we had basically just avoided each other for years. I never took the time to re-establish any kind of contact with her, and I wish like hell I had. It might not work out, but I think it is at least worthy of the effort.
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1844764 See, that's why I really want to try to get back in touch with this guy. Since he's in the Army, the potential is there for something to happen so that I'd never get the chance. Still, there's still part of me who thinks it'd be kind of ignorant to basically crash a message board that by all rights I shouldn't even be aware of. Perhaps I'll sign up and just shoot him a PM, hopefully he reads those faster than he did emails.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1844877 If you really want to still be friends with him again, then why not pursue it?
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1844878 I'll probably hit you back with a serious answer in a bit but for right now, that whole first post had me really in the mood to help you until you said the guy's wife started a POKEMON MESSAGEBOARD. After that, I read the rest of the post through tears of laughter.
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1844970 Part of the reason I'm hesitant is his wife. As CJ illustrated, she's (more) than a little bit goofy, and half my brain is thinking how I don't want to start any more drama with her. The other half is thinking "fuck that bitch" since she's completely taken over his life anyway.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1844993 You could always just register to the forums then converse with him through PM only, no? Just avoid the Pok?mon topics altogether. Out of all the friends I've ever had, three of them have got married. I never see those three nor do I ever expect to.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1845061 Marriage never killed my friendships. I guess that's why I'm no longer married. However, I've had my share of friends disappear once they tied the knot. I guess it all comes down to how pussy-whipped you really wanna be.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1845407 The fact that she opened up a Pokemon messageboard tells me all I need to know about her. She obviously needs some sort of at-home care, so perhaps that's why your friend's been occupied.
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1845455 I signed up and sent him a PM, so the ball's in his court now. Or more likely, the balls are in her purse now. My friend reminds me a lot of the speech from Ferris Bueller where Ferris bemoans that his best friend is doomed to fall in love with the first girl that gives him the time of day, no matter how she treats him.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1845789 CJ nailed it on the head. How pussy-whipped do you want to be? I still have the same 6 close friends from high school.. and probably will my entire life. My wife just accepts this and there is nothing she can do about it although my first responsibility is to my family. If he wants contact then he will talk to you. If not, then he isn't that good of a friend. Don't go to the message board. Get his phone number and call. If he's down then you have re-established contact. if he is flaky and stand-offish, he isn't that good of a friend.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1847436 I've been in a similar situation. Basically you did the right thing. Let him know you would like to talk again and allow him to take it from there. Depending on what he does (or doesn't do), just go from there.
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1847660 It just bums me out that things ended up like this. Even though I have 4 half-brothers, they're so much older than me they pretty much only made cameo appearances, so I grew up an only child. This guy was pretty much the brother I always wanted to have, and I was the same to him since his brothers were both fuckups. We were both computer dorks, so even when women were both giving us the cold shoulder we could always hang out and play some Mortal Kombat or even hook up for some Doom II action across that new fangled Internet thing. Yet now he's in Texas and despite both of us having net access, I haven't heard from him in almost two years since his wife monitors his computer use like some type of psychotic net nanny. I mean, if we would have had a falling out and told each other to fuck off, that would be one thing. To lose touch because he's pretty much accepted his wife as a personal savior is just silly. I'm the type of guy who never had a large group of friends. The friends I had tended to be of the lifelong variety. Hell, I still talk to most of the people I knew all the way back to grade school, so when something like this happens it's like having a wedge driven into your family. Whenever I think about how things ended up, I just think to myself "How did it come to this?"
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1847696 To lose touch because he's pretty much accepted his wife as a personal savior is just silly. If that is really the way it is and she is as controlling as you said, then there isn't much you can do to convince him to come around. I mean it's already been two years, and unless they are on the outs, what's different now?
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1847767 Well the thing is, the few times I do catch him on AIM he does talk to me. It's just that he drops everything when his wife comes home. Even his mother, who he was very close to before, gets put behind his wife. Everybody was writing it off as newlywed bliss, but from what I can tell it's still the same. The "net nanny" thing came from one of the AIM convos we had where he implied that his wife was looking over his shoulder while he was typing. The whole thing is that his wife is pretty much the only girl he ever dated. Hell, I'm thinking about it, unless he had a woman on the d/l (doubtful) his wife is the only female he's ever done more than shake hands with. My theory is that he's afraid to do anything to offend her, lest he lose the only person willing to have sex with him.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1847807 Shit. That last paragraph sums of a friend of mine and his girlfriend, except they haven't tied the knot yet, but they are planning on it down the line. The funny part is that between the rest of us we would all predict how he would end up a few years from now if he was still with her, and the description of your friend is pretty much dead on.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1848076 sek, I think you did the right thing. Fuck that bitch, if this dude is going to be pussy whipped and forget about a friend he's had since kindergarten for her, then you can just drift on back out of his life at any time. He doesn't deserve a friend like you if he's going to choose a ho before his bro. Okay so this sounds totally harsh, and you might be wondering how *I*, a girl can respond like this. Bottom line, I don't like other women for the most part and don't get along with them. And a stupid bitch that would create a POKEMON MESSAGEBOARD (duh that was so 5 years ago) at this time is beyond lame and needs to be tortured slowly till she comes to the light. So there.
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1851010 If he wants contact then he will talk to you. If not, then he isn't that good of a friend. Yeah, and it applies both ways. Two friends waiting for the other to call isn't a friendship - it's called deadlock. Just imagine your friend asking his wife about you and her telling him the same thing. In fact, for bonus fun, imagine her holding up a stuffed Charizard while she's telling him.
April 25, 200520 yr Author comment_1851191 What's sad is MiB is more accurate than he thinks. They actually dressed up like Team Rocket before...
April 25, 200520 yr comment_1852252 If your friend dressed up like one of Team Rocket for his wife, it may be too late. She probably keeps his balls in pill box besides their bed.
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